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you lose an hour tonight but really every hour you are not training a falcon is a lost hour
You have it good when you can say "bring me my gongs" and then somebody actually brings you gongs
one advantage to having only 200 followers is that I can tweet that I fell asleep on the toilet last night and it won’t become a “big deal”
big life update folks. now that I am standing up again I can reach into my pocket and retrieve chapstick for my desert lips
how many times could the governor do a cop switch. How many different sets of cops does one state have
ncaa tournament needs a permanent big boy cam for every game. i want to know what the hugest b ball man is up to at all times
MIDI stands for Must I Die, Isabella. the inventor had to put his own heart in his synthesizer to make it work. Isabella was his mistress
in 48 hours in New Jersey I developed a theory that the number of hotties per capita reduces exponentially as you get further from the coast
Holy shit. “The Chinese.” https://twitter.com/dylanmatt/status/707962247360999424 …
the hs crush knows I am on Twitter repeat the hs crush knows I am on Twitter
anybody considering being my valentine should know that my podcasting takes precedent over all romantic endeavors
i have good opinions but i'm not a hottie
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