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you lose an hour tonight but really every hour you are not training a falcon is a lost hour
You have it good when you can say "bring me my gongs" and then somebody actually brings you gongs
one advantage to having only 200 followers is that I can tweet that I fell asleep on the toilet last night and it won’t become a “big deal”
big life update folks. now that I am standing up again I can reach into my pocket and retrieve chapstick for my desert lips
how many times could the governor do a cop switch. How many different sets of cops does one state have
as I am still in search of a wife I am going to relax my requirements and announce she can be racist. i’ll take a racist wife at this point
ncaa tournament needs a permanent big boy cam for every game. i want to know what the hugest b ball man is up to at all times
MIDI stands for Must I Die, Isabella. the inventor had to put his own heart in his synthesizer to make it work. Isabella was his mistress
lol actually sady doyle straight up brags about tattling on him. imagine being friends with these awful people. https://twitter.com/sadydoyle/status/733851743964925952 …
I accidentally went to a starbucks that doesn’t call itself that. fuck. fuck!!!
in 48 hours in New Jersey I developed a theory that the number of hotties per capita reduces exponentially as you get further from the coast
i have good opinions but i'm not a hottie
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