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  • emmets
      Emmet @emmets

    You have it good when you can say "bring me my gongs" and then somebody actually brings you gongs

    • 2
    • FAVS
    dsgarbercupidspen
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    maddymoiselleDelistratyAvatar_unknown_48
  • emmets
      Emmet @emmets

    how many times could the governor do a cop switch. How many different sets of cops does one state have

    • 4
    • FAVS
    Peen_princepizzamangesandydubbinAvatar_unknown_48
  • emmets
     
    Emmet @emmets

    @pizzamanges this is how abroad I am: I am at a big dinner with lots of vodka and have not ruled out the possibility of kissing a cousin

    • 4
    • FAVS
    1427833944cupidspenDelistratyggggggoldy
  • emmets
      Emmet @emmets

    mom and her shitty cell phone write poetry together sometimes pic.twitter.com/XOauBtNe5b

    • 2
    • FAVS
    pizzamangesggggggoldy
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    ggggggoldy
  • emmets
      Emmet @emmets

    MIDI stands for Must I Die, Isabella. the inventor had to put his own heart in his synthesizer to make it work. Isabella was his mistress

    • 2
    • FAVS
    ginandTOMicAvatar_unknown_48
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    ggggggoldy
  • emmets
      Emmet @emmets

    Hey. Hey. Could you come over here for a second. Yeah hi i’m emmet. rod and sally’s son. Listen are these your gnats.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    Alfino27ggggggoldy
  • emmets
      Emmet @emmets

    fuck sycamores. I'm tired if apologizing for those pieces of shit trees. sycamores are garbage and also pieces of shit

    • 2
    • FAVS
    C_De_Gaulle1427833944
  • emmets
      Emmet @emmets

    hi my names emmet I'm sleeping in a double bed with a 56yo man who last night got in bed then asked "so you have a girlfriend?" ask me anyth

    • 1
    • FAV
    Alfino27
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Delistraty
  • emmets
      Emmet @emmets

    Make fewer things illegal and more things barely legal

    • 2
    • FAVS
    Alfino27Avatar_unknown_48
  • emmets
      Emmet @emmets

    The special non-glass-covered airport wall that you look on from your plane and you know right behind it are 20 men shittin at once

    • 1
    • FAV
    Alfino27
  • emmets
      Emmet @emmets

    The beer bar in my hometown is one of the maybe three to five things that actually make America great

    • 1
    • FAV
    Delistraty
  • emmets
      Emmet @emmets

    Whispering to the gnat morass “where do you come from.” The swarming millions answer not.

    • 1
    • FAV
    Alfino27
  • emmets
      Emmet @emmets

    I want to take a picture of the millions of gnats in my backyard but they are too powerful to be captured by my pathetic human optics

    • 1
    • FAV
    stromptious
  • emmets
      Emmet @emmets

    my old dad shared a @mobute piece on facebook and its freaking me out

    • 1
    • FAV
    Mobute
  • emmets
      Emmet @emmets

    dear grant committee please fund my desire to think my same dumb thoughts in another far away country

    • 1
    • FAV
    danwebstere
  • emmets
      Emmet @emmets

    In last 24 hours I’ve eaten apple pie alone in my kitchen at 12am and gone to a silent film alone at 2pm. Every minute on earth is a gift

    • 1
    • FAV
    msmadisonmartin
  • emmets
      Emmet @emmets

    I have an ello which I have never seen because it crashes my web browser. Is this chic

    • 1
    • FAV
    andydubbin
  • emmets
      Emmet @emmets

    Doritos once made a flavor called intense pickle. The innovation economy at work.

    • 1
    • FAV
    ggggggoldy
  • emmets
      Emmet @emmets

    need to reach Nas please help folks

    • 1
    • FAV
    ggggggoldy
@emmets

@emmets

Clandestine brand ambassador for how the wind feels on your cheek