Things that don't deserve oxygen include irregular French verbs, people who wear stilettos to uni, and those terrifying Airblade hand driers

My dad's catchphrases include "yo", "omg SIF", "totes gay" and "that's the problem with you young people". #doublestandards

"I mean, they probably have orgies all the time." - @sammy_fos

Every time I walk into Blockbuster and @paynebronte and @meggleslaw aren't there, a fairy baby dies

You always need six less pancakes than you originally expect

MANDARINS MANDARINS MANDARINS MANDARINS MANDARINS MANDARINS MANDARINS MANDARINS MANDARINS MANDARINS MANDARINS MANDARINS
MANDARINS MANDARINS

Sudden consuming urge for Maltesers #myvisionishazedbylittleplumpballsofcrispygoodness #noonesayanything

Excuse me while I take up guitar as an actual university subject and fucking succeed at all of my dreams

:)

Can everyone just get their midriffs out of my face

Last hour's work:
#Iamdestinedforupmosthomelessness http://t.co/NmtSxjOQ

Things I would rather do than have a 1 hour 5:15 tute include getting raped by a cactus and eating Julia Gillard's toenails

My darling my sweet http://t.co/bKRJRyFg

@maddlepaddle @meggleslaw every time that leukemia ad comes on with the chins I try to upside down smile

"We need to get fertilizer for the Wandering Jew"
"Dad why is our wall creeper called the Wandering Jew"
"It just is"

Trip to the aquarium: $23.90
Sushi: $4.80
Seeing 300 teenagers in school uniform and knowing you're on holidays for another month: priceless

3am was a bad idea

Nice ass @serenawilliams

Official new chocolate obsession overtaking milkybars is snack. #watchoutworld

@mermer3000 Fucking THANK YOU