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Consider this: It's illegal to yell "FIRE!" in a crowd of people, but it's not illegal to yell "JUSTIN BIEBER!" in a crowd of teenage girls.
"I get along with guys way better than girls." - Every girl ever
I pride myself in knowing all Disney songs except those in SLEEPING BEAUTY, because, let's be honest, that movie is scary as shit.
Considering making an anonymous Twitter profile so I can make fun of people and be as obscene as I want.
1: Buy tons of groceries
2: Eat out for every meal
3: Throw away spoiled groceries
We fought today because he says I act like an old lady. Now I'm crying over a bowl of Cream of Wheat and watching gameshow clips on YouTube.
Why is it called 'mincemeat' if there's no meat in it?
Bought a small glass bottle of locally-bottled milk and drank half of it before realizing it was half-and-half. #supportlocalfarmers
Apparently I have to choose between having all the best jokes on twitter or not getting married.
I'll have to get back to you on that one.
Sometimes I feel really down about my life, but then I just get on Facebook.
eBay I promise you, when I search "vintage" I'm not looking for underwear.
Can't. Stop. Clicking.
Look, I just wanna know if Aaron Paul was born with his nose that perfect.