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I like plaid. But my favorite clothing pattern is a giant graphic telling me what year the brand was established.
I'm no scientist, but you can't tell me that gummy bears and Mountain Dew don't come from the same tree.
Enrico changed his relationship status to: Empanadas.
If this works, it'll keep us from getting caught. If it doesn't, it'll keep us from getting old. —MacGyver
Turns out there's a statute regarding public indecency with a carton of egg nog. Anyway, I've been arrested.
Overheard in my apartment: "Oh crap, who did I FOLLOW last night?" #sftu
Hey has anyone seen my science? No? I guess that's because I just DROPPED IT.
The science. I just dro-- never mind.
Speaking is just one prerequisite for writing. The others are flexibility, openness, and substance abuse.
I can't figure out how to unlock the March level. Maybe I need to play February again.
OOO GIRL YOU MAKE ME WANNA CLOSE MY DOCUMENT WITHOUT SAVING ANY CHANGES [ OK ] [ CANCEL ]
Someone should invent a bed you can wear. Because my lunch isn't gonna make itself.
Someone should invent a lunch that makes itself.
Red Bull Plus Oatmeal Equals No.
Must...start...giving a damn. Semester...closing. Coffee...running out.
The number of good design books at the Oakland public library can be counted on one penis.
Are your legs tired because I've been working on this line all morning.
For those keeping track at home, the final score is Neighbor's Christmas Sex: 1, Noise-Masking Kanye West Soundtrack: 0.
James Franco softened my hands AND did my dishes. #franco
I won't tell you which Britney Spears track is playing now. Because I've already said too much.