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Velcro, what a rip off.
I'm not shy, I'm holding back my awesomeness so I do not intimidate you.
Chuck Norris likes his meat so rare, he only eats unicorns.
I read "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" in 4 hours yesterday.
I know it's only 6 words, but I was still impressed with myself.
The lesbians next door bought me a rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch...
Can't believe 88,000 missing in Japan!
Guys, great sex starts in the kitchen. Wash the dishes, take out the trash, give her a break, and let her know she's appreciated.
If I offend you. Why the hell are you following me?
Q: What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
A: Men usually miss all three.
When I die I want to go peacefully -- like my grandfather did -- In his sleep. Not screaming like the passengers in his car.
Humor, Executive Chef, Manager of Beakers Liquid Nitrogen Ice Cream, Gamer and all around Geek. I like taking photos.