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  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    Gift @eric10F Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 1,070
    • LIKES
    genericeric75AimeeHelene1SharpeByteshero_ofthenightRandomlyTypingSpacePlanktonhrlksLongLiveJesse
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    AimeeHelene1wickedimpropersouthern_scruffsahmbloopersCurly_gurl135ClaraBow0124FancyfromGSOadanzqueen
    EvileSkullWonderMonkey78bestlizardRitleySammichlaurascazCpt_Burnoutveinarmor__warholearyShaunRightNowGimpySunshine____aimeevc1970skitzoetteToiletMike
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    You shit yourself twice in one day at work and suddenly you're "that guy who shit himself twice in one day at work"

    • 1,148
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    The_MartiniGirlChas_855billyobleniskqforpresidentMercerSwagfagKatie_KnipmeyerCA_Kool_mannan_
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    s34n77Plan_BX2BradBroaddusMercerSwagfagBarknado69whodoblueberryJamesonN7AimeeHelene1
    VodkaShorebirdCelebrityChezbelleahhSCBamaManninatreemonkeypotatokingpin__pbear79__Sarcasmo718weinerdog4lifeTheRealLobot______adamrunsfar__
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    You had me at "various dipping sauces"

    • 880
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    kqforpresidentcrockettrandallMercerSwagfagmrganfreerangeminkKruseControlOnBrewHimselfgarthinkingcap
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    DanKCharnleyrossbransonKentTheG__________whatitsmenej__
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    "Then why do they call it a MANicure?!" I sob as I wipe the tears from my face with my newly bedazzled, fuschia painted fingernails.

    • 713
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    MsFoxIfUrNastyMardigroanSharpeByteswickedimproperLongLiveJesseSpaced_Cowboy00EvileSkullOneTrickTofani
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    junejuly12reddishunicornonehappyghostteacup_giraffe____
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    Just had sex with a loaf of bread, now I have a yeast infection. I just hope the baby isn't born inbread, or we'll end up eloafing.

    • 666
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    MardigroanWritePlaypunmagnateBurds_1SharpeBytesdankashane20LongLiveJesseChuckleCoven
    • 323
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    MardigroanLongLiveJesseRUGoingToEatThaBeesthegameIts_Baldylockz__blugreen12pangieevee__Chili_Pope80
    ShaunRightNowwarmfeathers
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    Tried to pick a booger off my phone screen. Ended up calling my mom, signing up for AOL and getting an online degree in refrigerator repair

    • 659
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    Mardigroan_c_h_sweetg35RustinAustinDeityFreeQueefariusSharpeBytesLongLiveJesse
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    PretzelNYBigMedwardsveinarmor__
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    "What are your 4 best features?" She asked seductively. "My chins" I replied as tears poured down my chocolate cake stained cheeks.

    • 604
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    MardigroanLongLiveJesselongleggedbritBedheadBunnybeverlyballin__BeesthegameTheTalkingPipe__breatheandlove
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    dapptrapWeyAyeChickPaulyMosh
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    Some people said "hey eric10F, maybe you shouldn't drink on a Wednesday" and I replied "hey, fuckface, maybe I don't know what day it is"

    • 563
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    MardigroanJagerMouthstasiakeitaTeamJfruitsimongrafBandersnaaatchTheHerethWayREALEthanHD
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    mllebeckyrosethemowg
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    I just saved a ton of money by buying a can of Febreze instead of a washing machine.

    • 563
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    MardigroanBurds_1LongLiveJessebuddhatreelikeabeecat__BeesthegameJettBisqueTheTalkingPipe__
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    Black__Elvispeachey_keenSwoonTwang________
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    If by 'raw dogging' you mean eat uncooked hot dogs alone in bed at night, then yes, I raw dog all. the. time.

    • 537
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    funkytessaBurds_1GalacticaXOBukowsKaiacwzywabitJacobSnakeholeincogNietBROkatiekelllyyyy
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    BukowsKaiacwzywabitincogNietBROeluna333mattyice6697Misss_Lady_MaamguydynorrisRubberGlueFU
    TeflonPawnOBiiieeee
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    "Sir, I don't care if you brought your jukebox money, this is RADIO shack. The love shack is 15 miles down the road.. please put on pants"

    • 505
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    MardigroanLongLiveJessephunnyinloveHulaBabeeBouji_boy__AuntiPaxAlpheyBedheadBunny
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    Mardigroanfavstar_historyHulaBabeeAuntiPaxBedheadBunnyBeesthegameEaton_BeaverIts_Baldylockz__
    VodkaShorebirdadamthislife
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    I like my women like I like my comic books: rare, well inked, with plenty of issues.

    (also: wrapped in plastic and stored in my closet)

    • 484
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    ScorpionDongWhoopdeedoo22Burds_1CanLuso__hero_ofthenighthrlksradtoriaSweetNani22
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    LongLiveJessemewritesgoodPortRooster__Chi_luci_08______
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    "Thundercats, Thundercats, Thundercats Helloooooo! Is it me you're looking for?" - Lion-O Richie.

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    LongLiveJesseBeesthegamebreatheandloveCheesecake79walesboy1972Nicksgaarmsmollybee25Its_Baldylockz__
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    dreamthievinBlack__ElvisArinLeeMorrisrepublicOFcruz
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    If there is ever a zombie apocalypse, I'd have a hard time telling the difference between a zombie, and a drunk girl in high heels.

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    MardigroanBurds_1LongLiveJesseBeesthegameHumor_FetishbreatheandloveDakotahDoneJamesFawcett96
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  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    Apparently I got "DVR Harry and the Hendersons" drunk last night.

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    ScorpionDongBurds_1LongLiveJessevmarsfangirlkaykaymourTeresaThom18JCWisdomNuggetsaveuaskew
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    Adar79AngieCherhole__________
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    My friends cat just ran across his banjo and was immediately sued by Mumford and Sons.

    • 414
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    MardigroanAliceInGeeklandfroydjacMGM_theCrimeDogTattooedMiseryLeeLuvYogafoxtopus_sLongLiveJesse
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    DontFuckWithMomPetote
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    Walked outside and 2 baby birds flew out from behind me.... I feel like a disney character.... an out of shape, hungover disney character.

    • 444
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    MardigroanBurds_1hoopahoepStaciedeNOLALongLiveJesse2thestreetziSashaSonofConway
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    TheDailySchmuck
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    After last night, my liver is so black that Tyler Perry just made a movie about it.

    • 427
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    StaciedeNOLALongLiveJesseDilemmaEmmaEmmaKyleLTrimperbeverlyballin__Beesthegamebreatheandlove_brghteyes
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    themorris23adamrunsfar__
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    TONY is STARK naked because he forgot to IRON his clothes, MAN.

    MARVEL at the shittyness of this tweet

    • 390
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    MardigroanexplodusTravLeBlancfoxtopus_sISOremarkableStaciedeNOLAarmyantstudiosLongLiveJesse
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    TheIronSherk
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    "do you have proof that you're an American citizen?"

    *hands him vhs copy of Road House*

    "you're free to pass, sir... welcome back"

    • 398
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    KA_fmuaskasymmetriclinuxlovahthechelsearenaeWhere_Is_SylviaAlecofWharfJediGigiKingmanManking
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    poe927
@eric10F

@eric10F

My favorite color is blacked out.

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