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  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    "You know where you are? You're at McDonalds baby, you want some friiiiiies?" - Axl Rose, September employee of the month.

    • 1,063
    • FAVS
    LongLiveJesseCurly_gurl135matthewgb623PhillipStuerzlTriforceOSnacksadanzqueenbourgeoisalienXOSchitzo
    • 684
    • RETWEETS
    TheQuietRightsahmbloopersCurly_gurl135NancyLucas18FancyfromGSOadanzqueenbourgeoisalienLAbizzness
    EvileSkullWonderMonkey78bestlizardRitleySammichlaurascazCpt_Burnoutveinarmor__warholearyShaunRightNowGimpySunshine____aimeevc1970skitzoetteMikeCanRant
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    You shit yourself twice in one day at work and suddenly you're "that guy who shit himself twice in one day at work"

    • 1,132
    • FAVS
    LongLiveJesseTingySCurly_gurl135matthewgb623bourgeoisalienLAbizznessboyleb67XOSchitzo
    • 540
    • RETWEETS
    LongLiveJesseCurly_gurl135matthewgb623bourgeoisalienSpaced_Cowboy00ToritrylovichRednckTruckrHatsuggarloaf
    VodkaShorebirdCelebrityChezbelleahhSCBamaManninatreemonkeypotatokingpin__pbear79Sarcasmo718weinerdog4lifeTheRealLobot______adamrunsfar
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    You had me at "various dipping sauces"

    • 848
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    LongLiveJesseJennuflectnotofthetribeSwishergirl24lucy_portescanlansierraSuperTeeWhyJesssicaRSmith
    • 431
    • RETWEETS
    LongLiveJesseJustAnnieMNbradenT_MusicforevermadddelenagurrrlgiltweetsstuffsydneyjanexoKarlskiB
    DanKCharnleyrossbransonKentTheG__________whatitsmenej
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    "Then why do they call it a MANicure?!" I sob as I wipe the tears from my face with my newly bedazzled, fuschia painted fingernails.

    • 709
    • FAVS
    LongLiveJesseSpaced_Cowboy00EvileSkullOneTrickTofaniBeesthegamefinancechargeTheTalkingPipe__breatheandlove
    • 319
    • RETWEETS
    LongLiveJesseSpaced_Cowboy00EvileSkullBeesthegametayaus5Its_Baldylockz__PretzelNYThe_red_key__
    junejuly12reddishunicornonehappyghostteacup_giraffe____
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    Just had sex with a loaf of bread, now I have a yeast infection. I just hope the baby isn't born inbread, or we'll end up eloafing.

    • 661
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    dankashane20LongLiveJesseChuckleCovenCharlayy2628GenitalWardsBeesthegameTheTalkingPipe__breatheandlove
    • 322
    • RETWEETS
    LongLiveJesseMCSharky23BeesthegameIts_Baldylockz__blugreen12pangieevee__balloon_knottyOhgoddessitsme
    ShaunRightNowwarmfeathers
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    Tried to pick a booger off my phone screen. Ended up calling my mom, signing up for AOL and getting an online degree in refrigerator repair

    • 652
    • FAVS
    LongLiveJessebouncingblondesuggarloafMasterSociopathB1gBrainsMcGeeHatterGunnlongleggedbritfuzzlime
    • 276
    • RETWEETS
    LongLiveJesseNickyValentinefuzzlimeCarolinaSongBeesthegameIts_Baldylockz__PretzelNYMissMonster89
    PretzelNYBigMedwardsveinarmor__
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    "What are your 4 best features?" She asked seductively. "My chins" I replied as tears poured down my chocolate cake stained cheeks.

    • 603
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    LongLiveJesselongleggedbritBedheadBunnybeverlyballinBeesthegameTheTalkingPipe__breatheandloveIts_Baldylockz__
    • 316
    • RETWEETS
    LongLiveJessefavstar_historylongleggedbritBeesthegametayaus5Its_Baldylockz__likeabeecat__PretzelNY
    dapptrapWeyAyeChickPaulyMosh
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    I just saved a ton of money by buying a can of Febreze instead of a washing machine.

    • 561
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    LongLiveJessebuddhatreelikeabeecat__BeesthegameJettBisqueTheTalkingPipe__breatheandloveIts_Baldylockz__
    • 232
    • RETWEETS
    LongLiveJesselikeabeecat__TheTalkingPipe__Its_Baldylockz__PretzelNYEddSkaterheyitsrieeAizatThePeople
    Black__Elvispeachey_keenSwoonTwang________
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    Some people said "hey eric10F, maybe you shouldn't drink on a Wednesday" and I replied "hey, fuckface, maybe I don't know what day it is"

    • 511
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    LongLiveJessebuddhatreelucyf0rdBeesthegameessiebirdMobergMrfinancechargePinkebelly
    • 228
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    LongLiveJesselikeabeecat__VodkaShorebirdfinancechargek_cycyTheTalkingPipe__Eaton_BeaverIts_Baldylockz__
    mllebeckyrosethemowg
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    If by 'raw dogging' you mean eat uncooked hot dogs alone in bed at night, then yes, I raw dog all. the. time.

    • 504
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    LongLiveJesseTDeeRockJack_Wagon1ChuckleCovenLisyDrakeDTRbelle__thesillyheartMissXoh
    • 231
    • RETWEETS
    LongLiveJesselllvvvzzzLaniKaiDuckQwertyJones3BelleVie73hornsfan35iinkedZombieKierenJ
    TeflonPawnOBiiieeee
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    "Sir, I don't care if you brought your jukebox money, this is RADIO shack. The love shack is 15 miles down the road.. please put on pants"

    • 504
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    LongLiveJessephunnyinloveHulaBabeeBouji_boyAuntiPaxAlpheyBedheadBunnyBeesthegame
    • 228
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyHulaBabeeAuntiPaxBedheadBunnyBeesthegameEaton_BeaverIts_Baldylockz__immortaljaye
    VodkaShorebirdadamthislife
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    "Thundercats, Thundercats, Thundercats Helloooooo! Is it me you're looking for?" - Lion-O Richie.

    • 480
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    LongLiveJesseBeesthegamebreatheandloveCheesecake79walesboy1972Nicksgaarmsmollybee25Its_Baldylockz__
    • 227
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    LongLiveJesseFireAtWill_iamBeesthegameEaton_Beaverwalesboy1972Its_Baldylockz__BeardedManFaceGinRumMe
    dreamthievinBlack__ElvisArinLeeMorrisrepublicOFcruz
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    I like my women like I like my comic books: rare, well inked, with plenty of issues.

    (also: wrapped in plastic and stored in my closet)

    • 478
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    radtoriaSweetNani22zolofighterLongLiveJesseCrystalMe523Jack_Wagon1beverlyballinBeesthegame
    • 225
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    zolofighterrankingTweetsLongLiveJesseBeesthegameIts_Baldylockz__SleazySlisentret69RiotGRRLBarbie
    LongLiveJessemewritesgoodPortRooster__Chi_luci_08______
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    If there is ever a zombie apocalypse, I'd have a hard time telling the difference between a zombie, and a drunk girl in high heels.

    • 451
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    LongLiveJesseBeesthegameHumor_FetishbreatheandloveDakotahDoneJamesFawcett96tea_is_gr8WellsNathanJohn
    • 233
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    LongLiveJessefavstar_historyBeesthegamebreatheandlovechaantayxits__jodieceejjjayyp4leprincess
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    Apparently I got "DVR Harry and the Hendersons" drunk last night.

    • 472
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    LongLiveJessevmarsfangirlkaykaymourTeresaThom18JCWisdomNuggetsaveuaskewLipglosslesbostl_eric
    • 152
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    favstar_historySliveredEpitomeLipglosslesboSomthinBoutSaraAmBunyarddarrrkstarrrBeesthegameLoveMyScionFRS
    Adar79AngieCherhole__________
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    My friends cat just ran across his banjo and was immediately sued by Mumford and Sons.

    • 409
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    LeeLuvYogafoxtopus_sLongLiveJesseDestineyLynndrivelhe4dKatrinaMacADLhannaheward10RieMcAz
    • 191
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    foxtopus_sLongLiveJessehannaheward10NotInordinatelyVestaTotmstoak1shootastlightClarkElvia
    DontFuckWithMomPetote
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    After last night, my liver is so black that Tyler Perry just made a movie about it.

    • 427
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    StaciedeNOLALongLiveJesseDilemmaEmmaEmmaKyleLTrimperbeverlyballinBeesthegamebreatheandlove_brghteyes
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    LongLiveJesseVodkaShorebirdBeesthegamevagina_carmen__LoveMyScionFRSIts_Baldylockz__PretzelNYshotime420
    themorris23adamrunsfar
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    Walked outside and 2 baby birds flew out from behind me.... I feel like a disney character.... an out of shape, hungover disney character.

    • 441
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    StaciedeNOLALongLiveJesse2thestreetziSashaSonofConwaySashaBuchanan1yourmomonessSarahCAMoore__
    • 151
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    StaciedeNOLALongLiveJesse2thestreetzSashaBuchanan1aileensbaird__aaaChristiineCheeseboy22Henry_3k
    TheDailySchmuck
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    TONY is STARK naked because he forgot to IRON his clothes, MAN.

    MARVEL at the shittyness of this tweet

    • 387
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    foxtopus_sISOremarkableStaciedeNOLAarmyantstudiosLongLiveJesseJack_Wagon1BedheadBunnyBeesthegame
    • 198
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    armyantstudiosLongLiveJesseBeesthegameIts_Baldylockz__VenusRockHobbit__Roxtalled__flashemberBenSainty
    TheIronSherk
  • eric10F
      eric10F @eric10F

    Rappers are terrible with pets: the Baja Men let their dogs out, DMX never knows where his dogs are at, and Pitbull is awful.

    • 381
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    LongLiveJessebeccafacexoBedheadBunnybeverlyballinBeesthegameKingHenry_D8thbreatheandlovelikeabeecat__
    • 164
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    thatstevewestLongLiveJesseBeesthegameKingHenry_D8thlikeabeecat__pbear79VenusRockHobbit__Flip_Filosophy
@eric10F

@eric10F

My favorite color is blacked out.

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