Don't you hate it when you try to cut your own bangs and you mess it up and accidentally stab yourself and everyone around you

I spot you across the mall food court. You're eating sbarro alone. We make eye contact. You look away. I smile. I know we're meant to be.

Serious tweet: How many hot dog commercials have you seen in the past 24 hours?

Had to drive slowly behind a line of bicyclists and realized I unwillingly joined the worst parade ever

"Where do you see yourself in ten years?"
1100010100001110101
"That's correct, you'll probably be a robot by then."

FASHION EXHIBIT IDEA: models eating spiders; to represent the juxtaposition of disgust within beauty.
JK just wanna see some models eat bugs

Sorry everyone but I only have romantic feelings for food

white girl frantically gyrates her lower body: "Am I doing it??" she yells "Am I twerking??"

Son, let me tell you about the time this one song became really popular and I totally discovered it first. "Ugh dad, not again"

"I love cats. Some of my favorite Internet videos are based on cats."

my grandma's house doesn't have wifi. it's like I'm staying at auschwitz for a whole weekend (auschwitz probly didn't have wifi either)

A beer bong but for chocolate

Friends: "get a vine"
nah
Mom: "get a vine"
idk
my dog: "get a vine"
dead grandma: "get a vine"
Obama: "get a vine"
omg ok

So You Think You Can Wear Flip Flops

Still thinkin about my sim's failed marriage. Wonderin where it all went wrong :(

#FF @whostrevors because he just graduated so now he can do this with a COLLEGE DEGREE #congrats pic.twitter.com/naz8BrzLfo

Is there any way I can vote for people to stay on an island & far away from me

@robfee don't tell me what to do ur not my real dad

Did I get this blouse from a thrift store? Hahaha please. Thrifting is so mainstream now. No I traded a hobo a $90 Hollister shirt for this.

Just realized my bathroom scale has the Abercrombie & Fitch logo on it :(