Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Just read on BBC about the new porn ban in the UK. I'm glad it's not here in the US cuz all of my porn is BBC.
Celebrating my independence with eggs rolls. Just like mama-san used to make.
Sitting on the toilet with my dog in my lap trying to figure out how to type with one hand. Sounds like a metaphor, but nope.
Everything's harder when you're fat....... Except maybe dicks.
Just got called a "fly ass dime piece." I was so flattered after I googled it that I danced the Carlton and other black dances of joy.
I just logged in to see how drunk everyone thought Kid Rock was.
Sitting alone at this hotel bar til I realized my right hand ring is on my left hand. Shouldn't matter to guy I want, but I fixed it anyway.
I really only have to see myself naked once a day, but cake is always there.
I don't think it was a suicide; however, I do know that the Daddy Mac can make you jump.
That one tweet I thought of last night.
I own a vibrator. I just fixed my own garbage disposal. I'm thinkin it's finally time to become a lesbian.
All single guys have a bachelor o farts.
Haven't really been depressed or horny enough to write tweets lately.
Hey, give me my phone..... What the....
If you're lucky enough to ever get a gift from me you're also guaranteed a bonus of at least 37 dog hairs stuck to the tape.
Me: how many dick pix are in your phone?
Relationship over cuz he's a big fat liar (also no dick pix made available)
Haven't heard about a stripper jumping out of a cake in awhile.
The weather report said I should get 3 to 4 inches tonight. That's better than what I have been getting, so I'll take it.