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Someone's yelling "this is why we can't have nice things" in New Orleans right now.
When you tell me, "I don't own a TV" my silent response is, "we're done here."
"I'm actually more of a Carrie." - some girl being read her Miranda rights, hopefully
I don't understand why I have to do laundry on Beyonce's birthday. THIS IS A SACRED DAY.
I think it's really mean you can't retweet yourself. It's like twitter doesn't even care about my narcissism.
Saying "amazeballs" is a really good way to let me know I don't want to talk to you.
Somewhere in the stadium Rachel is meeting Paolo for the first time and Chandler is stuck in an ATM vestibule.
My entire attitude about The Olympics is "well I could do that too if I devoted my life to it."
BEYONCE, NAME YOUR KID RED FERN AND THEN YOU WILL BE "WHERE THE RED FERN GROWS!"
I guess no one told Lea Michele she didn't have to take the "golden" part to heart?
Boy, is that a candy bar in your pocket or am I about to get really disappointed?
Just so you know, when you say you're "blessed" on Facebook I assume you hate your life.
What if every time you said "not to toot my own horn" you had to, in fact, toot a horn that belonged to you?
It's okay, guys, at least we have twitter. We'll get through this Instagram outage together. Let's hold hands and imagine each other's cats.
"Just loving life, watching TV with the hubs." - the Facebook status of every girl I went to high school with
"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." - Nora Ephron
The Office is ending tonight and here is my goodbye to it on @hellogiggles http://hellogiggles.com/five-ways-the-office-ruined-my-life …
Twitter during the Golden Globes is like a party with hundreds of people and everyone is shouting and has THE BEST story.
Don't be the person who comments on someone's changed relationship status from "in a relationship" to "single."
I write for @HelloGiggles, have an encyclopedic knowledge of The Simpsons & Friends & would like to submit my resume for curator of Law & Order: SVU Marathons.