It's all fun and games having a sleepover with that special someone until you realize you won't be farting for awhile.

Still haven't figured out when it's an appropriate time to do the humpty hump.

I sometimes forget the differences between there, their and they're.

I've got big boobs though, so it all works out.

I keep going into my drafts folder thinking I'll find beer in their.

I never learn.

Shut the fuck up about your money problems if you're going on a tropical vacation.

Freeze herbs in olive oil  http://instagr.am/p/XaGF_TiEyn/ 

Children playing outside. Birds chirping about. The first mowed lawn. Cats doing it behind the dumpster. The sounds of Spring are among us.

If something green comes out your rear end, then you win St. Patrick's Day.

I hope the new Pope is Gandalf.

"Nipple in the butt" should be a more common saying than "nip it in the bud."

The thing about doing this Paleo diet is that I think I just shat out a caveman.

The Pope is giving up his job for Lent.

When I was a kid, playing with my phone meant calling people and hanging up. Now it means catapulting screeching birds into pigs.

If there was an awards show called The Hammys and they gave out bacon-shaped awards then maybe there'd be an awards show I cared about.

Behind every façade is a coping mechanism.

Blueberry banana egg muffin  http://instagr.am/p/VLDgrDyTyC/ 

f0reverfit_'s photo  http://instagr.am/p/U7dszvx6mM/ 

Grain free bread recipe  http://instagr.am/p/Uzi78nMs6w/ 

Hey guys, if you add up all the numbers in 2013 you get 6 which is half of 69 so I'm thinking this is going to be an awesome year!

2013 resolution #1:

Yell out "YEEEEEHAW!" while in the stall of a public toilet.