Then I started blowing bubbles in my gin and tonic like a four year old and one said to me "Now I've seen everything"

There's this boy who speaks no English and gifts me with tokens of appreciation I don't deserve; like books & pushpops

My sister just screamed in her sleep: "WHAT ARE THE EXPERIMENTS?!"

Also, like is it wrong that I wasn't attracted to this man at all until I saw him as a potential professor/authority figure??

Or the one lying in it

Woke up naked wrapped up in a blanket burrito & was all WTF until I remembered that this time blacking out is acceptable

@stevemaccc has a deep man voice #whoknew

People at work are slowly seeing me for what I truly am... #sketch

@stevemaccc YES YOU RUDE PIECE OF SHIT.

Literally soaked my legs, scarf, & chair in alcohol... you're a joke.

Hi, you're fucking 28. If you're taking a shot, man the fuck up instead of sputtering & getting your drink all over me

27 hours of work in 2 days = drinking/yawning alone at the bar

Had the best day regardless of the 13 hr shift, walking alone for an hour afterwards, & running up 11 flights of stairs

"THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU" #thingsweallthink

I don't think I've ever grasped the concept of balance in my life

I don't blame you for forgetting things best left forgotten

Lunar New Year parade today! Postponed due to Nemo but the dragons dancing in the streets are an aptly timed reminder of renewal

Clutching my stuffed elephant crying softly to myself while singing some Passion Pit, wondering why everyone is staring?

I like the way Neil Young sobs into his pillow at night

Noble monsters turn to parakeets and pigeons