Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I sleep much better at night since I started keeping a loaded baked potato in my nightstand.
Twerker Miley Cyrus is mad she's not TIME's Person Of The Year, though I heard Pope Francis can helicopter dick like nobody's business.
I, just, found, a, whole, bunch, of, commas.
My One Direction Fantasy: I tell Harry his hair looks stupid and he cries while I charm and delight the others w/ jokes about Harry crying.
I was embarrassed to be buying lube at the grocery store so told the checker, “oh that’s not for me, it’s for my Fleshlight.”
Assumptions people make if you don't immediately reply to a text:
1) You hate them
2) You died
479) You're driving lawfully
Seriously though, I feel like the fact that I broke my son's bed tonight might be some kind of turning point for me *eats a pop tart*
Hey kids, a liberal arts degree only provides one job and the Huffington Post doesn't pay.
me, walking away from an explosion without watching, like a badass, but instead it's a fight i instigated between 2 strangers at Best Buy
This guy just told me his car was toad. Hahah WHAT!? How's that possible even?!
i like those movies where the shy nerdy girl takes off her glasses, lets her hair down, and suddenly becomes a flesh-eating lizard demon
All my selfies are pictures of bagels.
In less than THREE MINUTES I will REVEAL which MAJOR AMERICAN HIGHWAY I am currently driving on.
spotted someone i went to high school with today. didn't say hi. felt good.
The fact that it took me all day to finish this article about Adderall basically counts as performance art, right?
The Aquabats! Super Show! Music Supervisor, exquisite sandwich man.