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I have a new account, but I don't do anything interesting there... then I realized something: I google weird shit. So it made me think...
No amount of fruit snacks can tame how fucking stoned I am right now.
I think I may come back to Twitter. Can we cut back on the neediness though?
Whitney Houston is dead? I wanna see the receipts.
Whitney Houston is dead. Sources say she watched Chelsea handlers sitcom and died of boredom and I'm sorry that was dumb
I only watch the Superbowl for the tight ends.
When my slurpee and junk food came to a total of 4.20, the cashier and I had a bond in that moment.
If I had a nickel for every time I pulled the same muscle in my chest, I'd have enough for breast reduction surgery.
Remember when people actually gave a shit about Jessica Simpson? What was that about?
I cuddled with my nail art supplies today cause who needs a boyfriend
One of my therapists told me I wasn't crazy
I don't know what Shannon Daughtery is doing with those Education Connection commercials. We know she's no on any set, studying no less.
Beards drive me and my vagina insane. Jesus. I can't get enough. No Shave November, I welcome you with legs wide open.
For Halloween, I'm going as "the girl who actually gives a shit what she looks like." Oooooooooooooooooooooh spooky!
Pooping with cat ears on. Happy Halloween.
Remember Google+? Lol
I tell dick jokes in front of children. I've got a huge rack. I'm not a comedian. I'm just fucking weird. Serious tweets may vary.