Step1: Admit you have a problem. Step2: Find someone to supply you with your problem...

Deep Vein Thrombosis sounds like a sexy disease...

Lets get this work day over so i can get ta doing what i enjoy...touching my self while i read readers digest...

I been somewhat hallucinating from these pills that the doctor put me on..not sure if i should call him or start directing my own movie/play

I hate my fucking job...wish i would have took my moms advice an got into porn..

You try to be nice an give someone a compliment on their moustache and the next thing you know your girlfriend is mad at you...

I wish some piece of shit was subtweeting about me...or a hot piece of ass maybe..

@time4depression..I'm telling everyone the truth..I snorted close to a thousand milligrams of oxycodone and banged out my old ladys fart box

@eggnugent....i heard a thief broke into your house last night...i hope your okay.

@kennysdead...i was a meth addict for years..it was the best of times and worst of times...my favorite part was how it made women so horny..

Nobody followed me today..Queers..

Coffee plus cigarettes=big dookie.

I would eat every square inch of danielle's lady parts...#americandickers

Just watched 3 hours of 'Reba' . I would have sex with everybody on that show...everybody.

If i lived back a 100 or so years ago i would have said"indeed" alot...

@aimeevc1970..yes...they call them "herpes booths with a side of chicken flu" now..

People who have 200,000 followers and are following like 3 people..are the cock gobblers of the world.....

My favorite part of being sick is when water comes shooting out my butthole...

When I said don't worry bout that money you owe me...I really ment "bitch I need you to pay me back pronto"....

@xhobosexualx..i laughed so fucking hard at this i almost shit myself...true story..