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  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    I can almost always tell if a movie doesn't use real dinosaurs.

    • 777
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerMistressOfOzmapuadeCheeseboy22SuperBBethchocmoney1974HiddleDeeDeejimandrewsmusic
    • 492
    • RETWEETS
    ellejizzerMistressOfOzchocmoney1974HiddleDeeDeelyndsey_hatchjimandrewsmusictextas0371Vivalazoso
    JosesLovesYoufUCK_iSAAC_TurboJellyBean
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    My roommate wouldn't let me name our wireless network 'Bill Wi the Science Fi' because he has no sense of humor.

    • 637
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerninjabaconpizzalookimhidingMistressOfOzAsifiqbalmobincassvinceTheSkepticusVivalazoso
    • 328
    • RETWEETS
    MistressOfOztis_the_cezanVivalazosoallison_othmaniDarzieDAMNGalacticToastsMikeLalliaqualady83
    LizWhatsherfacecazzawndruhfUCK_iSAAC_
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings

    • 508
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerMistressOfOzzachbkeyMHrkovicDigs1000peaceofme_amanLuvPugtfionash
    • 439
    • RETWEETS
    ellejizzerMistressOfOzSassyMessMelKresgierebekah_joy_Allisaur_RawrRude_RubbiLuvPug
    TDeeRockgokananas
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    In toy story 3, Andy is 17...that means for many years the toys sat in silence and watched as he furiously masturbated.

    • 498
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerMistressOfOzHiddleDeeDeeVivalazosoBonesHerpoppy_daydreamsDarzieDAMNMikeLalli
    • 319
    • RETWEETS
    VivalazosoSalty_SwiftMargaritasforme_ichele__thesinisterkidabhorrent_wifesuperdadatronBrad_Bitterman
    fUCK_iSAAC_
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    OHMYGOD ADOBE I WILL UPDATE YOU LATER GET OFF MY DICK

    • 383
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerMistressOfOzLandonRayyySabChajjillianpuertalphabellatrixmarcmacksammorris01
    • 206
    • RETWEETS
    jwarrmanShanaRose21Chahta_IshkiJosesLovesYouBadPatrick1offs12rylesstylessavage_wiener
    VivalazosoBlack__Elvis
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    Tried to kill a spider with hair spray. It's still alive, but it's hair looks FABULOOOOOUS!

    • 398
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerMistressOfOzCheeseboy22textas0371jimandrewsmusicVivalazosoOhaiqtpieSabChaj
    • 172
    • RETWEETS
    ellejizzerIamQivysLifeFromTheERrunawaycupcakeFaerieGlamourjimandrewsmusicVivalazosoThe_big_alc
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    Damn girl, are you a Terms and Conditions document because I don't give a fuck what you say.

    • 281
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerAsifiqbalmobinHiddleDeeDeeSparklesVelourVivalazosoJosesLovesYouBonesHerpoppy_daydreams
    • 157
    • RETWEETS
    VivalazososuperdadatronWaterGirlFLADub_AllemankbarnitzjtryggvasondebraisgrossLoisyMitch
    Courtniss_
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    Vending Machines kill 13 people a year. Sharks kill 5.

    I can't wait until Homicidal Vending Machine week.

    • 258
    • FAVS
    ellejizzeraerin_monsterbusynessNeek1974TampaBayMommacraigpiloBob_JankeThatKidJosh1990
    • 118
    • RETWEETS
    craigpiloperhapssomedayFavstar250hollywood_95_69MikeLallirunawaycupcakerobkirk77WilliamMarino5
    RandomlyMJ
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    I have so much anger and hate in me right now, I almost feel like a Christian

    • 262
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerMistressOfOzAsifiqbalmobintiReynarddarlingshelly72cassvincezorgodTheSkepticus
    • 105
    • RETWEETS
    AsifiqbalmobintiReynardcassvinceVivalazosoCopperheadSammi0franko0benittto11Favstar250
    garrettn
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    Sext: I'll go halfsies on Plan B

    • 249
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerMistressOfOzMikeLalliDelanieFischercassvincequeeenvkKelgoreTroutVivalazoso
    • 113
    • RETWEETS
    ellejizzerLifeFromTheERrunawaycupcakeVivalazosoDoogieKwonPlayerDota2amusinglilturdssuperdadatron
    TeflonPawn
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    My mom told me that if I ever hit 1000 followers she'll tell me who my real dad is.

    • 235
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerMistressOfOzThatKidJosh1990elgatoabuMikeLalliRealSamHarwoodsmapdcassvince
    • 93
    • RETWEETS
    elgatoabuMikeLallitherepoguyVivalazosoDarzieDAMNRejectedRedhead_mariemelissaAeonOfAnthony
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    Say the opposite of these words: 1. always 2. coming 3. from 4. take 5. me 6. down

    • 198
    • FAVS
    MistressOfOzLuvPugcassvinceKelgoreTroutVivalazosonicfit75CatherineLMKLuisXavier
    • 101
    • RETWEETS
    cassvinceVivalazosovmartin521KiloG_KickBackAdorbsCorbsJosesLovesYouAbelMesganawDarzieDAMN
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    I wonder if any midget couples have Tiny Dancer as their song.

    • 200
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerMistressOfOzeytanicleMikeLallileez_ratBarctwainMapleLubemollyjollydolly
    • 96
    • RETWEETS
    MapleLubesonnyoconnornicfit75madbridgesJosesLovesYoujoindthedarksidDarzieDAMNbrandee_grace
    MrAdamBez
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    If you take life too seriously I'm going to tickle you until you shit yourself.

    • 188
    • FAVS
    MistressOfOzMikeLalliJosesLovesYouBonesHerrycky_kaypoppy_daydreamsMrNickJCdrubicabra
    • 74
    • RETWEETS
    MistressOfOzEviToddJackRayfieldDarzieDAMNMrNickJCibid78afro_DZac________meoniee
    laurascaz
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    Not douchey enough. TAKE IT AWAY! - Ed Hardy

    • 186
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerMistressOfOzMikeLalliLuvPugcassvinceJosesLovesYouBonesHerjoindthedarksid
    • 70
    • RETWEETS
    cassvinceDarzieDAMNPepperDezrodtopiaCSells20Black__Elvisleahlovescheezthettoo
    TrueDouche
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    The great thing about sleeping alone is you can be whatever spoon you want to be.



    :-(

    • 170
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerMistressOfOzJosesLovesYouBonesHerchrojo77poppy_daydreamsDarzieDAMNMrNickJC
    • 75
    • RETWEETS
    MistressOfOzDarzieDAMNeborg01ilovemaitlandMartinTiaeliseBlack__ElvisPepperDezbakedbrotatoes
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    I thought I saw Drake today but it was just a kitten playing with a paper bag

    • 155
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerMistressOfOzJosesLovesYouDarzieDAMNd_a_nichB1gBrainsMcGeeRdrzikHlaoRoo
    • 84
    • RETWEETS
    ellejizzerDarzieDAMNd_a_nichHlaoRooIlovelamp1979__EasyOnTheBeachJakeBeauchampcheddarbiskit
    tryped
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    Got bit by a bug yesterday. Still an ordinary human being. FUCK THIS.

    • 173
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerMistressOfOzdandartLuvPugcassvinceJosesLovesYouerrhmagerddsherb002
    • 65
    • RETWEETS
    sykomom123iam_sNsLuvPugcassvinceganeshbrandonstefdhondtDarzieDAMNPepperDez
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    Twitter crushes are the best way to realize how stupid you really are.

    • 150
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerBonesHerTattleTSisterpoppy_daydreamsDarzieDAMNredheadtartest1975blogHlaoRoo
    • 75
    • RETWEETS
    ellejizzerpoppy_daydreamsDarzieDAMNHlaoRooweswescanIlovelamp1979__trypedNicholey23
    Ilovelamp1979__enigmaticmessHugsForMethLisa_Laughs_
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    I'd rather have hot local Pringles wanting to meet me.

    • 148
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerMistressOfOzellesonshinecassvincekreefaliciousadisgracefulBonesHerthatsdictum
    • 68
    • RETWEETS
    ellejizzerdanielleP99lips_elevenadisgracefulgypsysoul995lawmoneypartyerrhmagerdallison_othmani
@evofck

@evofck
Pro

Hi. I'm Evan. Please don't fall in love with me.