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  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    I can almost always tell if a movie doesn't use real dinosaurs.

    • 814
    • FAVS
    Arreguy23abbeysbooksEarnieMacIntiretayandmaeCdn_BeauTeeragingvetKerriSummerffrasky
    • 521
    • RETWEETS
    jgamericanArreguy23abbeysbookstayandmaeCdn_BeauTeeManderbationragingvetpattioshankable
    JosesLovesYoufUCK_iSAAC_TurboJellyBean
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    My roommate wouldn't let me name our wireless network 'Bill Wi the Science Fi' because he has no sense of humor.

    • 644
    • FAVS
    EarnieMacIntiretayandmaeCdn_BeauTeeragingvetJohnBechardginzyj1983JakeGunstellejizzer
    • 334
    • RETWEETS
    tayandmaeCdn_BeauTeeManderbationragingvetJohnBechardginzyj1983MistressOfOztis_the_cezan
    LizWhatsherfacecazzawndruhfUCK_iSAAC_
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings

    • 520
    • FAVS
    tayandmaeragingvetColoChiverginzyj1983LiisaTSPomegrenede__suzsk8mjlopeman
    • 446
    • RETWEETS
    tayandmaeragingvetginzyj1983suzsk8erinberrypieShanaRose21McInappropriateellejizzer
    TDeeRockgokananas
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    In toy story 3, Andy is 17...that means for many years the toys sat in silence and watched as he furiously masturbated.

    • 507
    • FAVS
    ragingvetdploegerMeltastisch_moinmoinDetailhochzweitoschcrslisaOoOoginzyj1983
    • 323
    • RETWEETS
    ragingvettoschcrsfavstar_historyginzyj1983VivalazosoSalty_SwiftMargaritasforme_ichele_
    fUCK_iSAAC_
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    OHMYGOD ADOBE I WILL UPDATE YOU LATER GET OFF MY DICK

    • 389
    • FAVS
    LegallyErintayandmaeericcraneragingvetJohnBechardginzyj1983thezaklohussyglitrpants
    • 215
    • RETWEETS
    WingsKCtayandmaeragingvetJohnBechardginzyj1983cholosNcocainehussyglitrpantsLiisaTS
    VivalazosoBlack__Elvis
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    Tried to kill a spider with hair spray. It's still alive, but it's hair looks FABULOOOOOUS!

    • 412
    • FAVS
    abbeysbooksCelebYouTauntAnonymousInZAICECOLLARHurricane_ReDBillDavis1516EarnieMacIntiretayandmae
    • 182
    • RETWEETS
    abbeysbooksJRT_91Hurricane_ReDBillDavis1516tayandmaebrigh7eyesBurkeIverragingvet
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    Damn girl, are you a Terms and Conditions document because I don't give a fuck what you say.

    • 289
    • FAVS
    Arreguy23tayandmaeragingvetlisaOoOoginzyj1983SteelCityDawnJakeGunstmord0r
    • 164
    • RETWEETS
    Arreguy23EricaGCastillotayandmaeragingvetlisaOoOoginzyj1983McInappropriateVivalazoso
    JakeGunstCourtniss_
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    Vending Machines kill 13 people a year. Sharks kill 5.

    I can't wait until Homicidal Vending Machine week.

    • 271
    • FAVS
    nattynattersonHurricane_ReDEarnieMacIntireBillDavis1516tayandmaeShut_up_MarissaChyldOhgoddessitsme
    • 127
    • RETWEETS
    BillDavis1516RTylerMartintayandmaeUnknown_JohnsonjjgcfreOhgoddessitsmeAlongCameAnjaragingvet
    RandomlyMJ
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    I have so much anger and hate in me right now, I almost feel like a Christian

    • 266
    • FAVS
    ragingvetffraskypattioshankablelisaOoOoellejizzerMistressOfOzAsifiqbalmobintiReynard
    • 107
    • RETWEETS
    KristinAndrenepattioshankableAsifiqbalmobintiReynardcassvinceVivalazosoCopperheadSammi0franko0
    garrettn
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    Sext: I'll go halfsies on Plan B

    • 254
    • FAVS
    SavageAphroditeChyldMind_fukkragingvetginzyj1983ellejizzerMistressOfOzMikeLalli
    • 117
    • RETWEETS
    SavageAphroditeMind_fukkragingvetginzyj1983ellejizzerTrvlnRvrsdBluesrunawaycupcakeVivalazoso
    TeflonPawn
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    My mom told me that if I ever hit 1000 followers she'll tell me who my real dad is.

    • 239
    • FAVS
    cragw77Mind_fukkragingvetMissy_KellellejizzerMistressOfOzThatKidJosh1990elgatoabu
    • 95
    • RETWEETS
    Mind_fukkragingvetelgatoabuMikeLallitherepoguyVivalazosoDarzieDAMN__RejectedRedhead
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    I wonder if any midget couples have Tiny Dancer as their song.

    • 206
    • FAVS
    theDanLawlertarlbludworthSeanD1111RealmitzMoMoHorneTDeeRockellejizzerMistressOfOz
    • 99
    • RETWEETS
    SeanD1111McInappropriateTDeeRockMapleLubesonnyoconnornicfit75madbridgesJosesLovesYou
    MrAdamBez
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    Say the opposite of these words: 1. always 2. coming 3. from 4. take 5. me 6. down

    • 198
    • FAVS
    MistressOfOzLuvPugcassvinceKelgoreTroutVivalazosonicfit75CatherineLMKLuisXavier
    • 101
    • RETWEETS
    cassvinceVivalazosovinnyandthenoseKiloG_KickBackAdorbsCorbsJosesLovesYouAbelMesganawDarzieDAMN__
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    If you take life too seriously I'm going to tickle you until you shit yourself.

    • 199
    • FAVS
    EightTwntyEightGoodnightGoldieGac_TigerLilly3DaphneDoo_PleasantSurpriz_Ms_Moneypenny_lacrossemom5SeanD1111
    • 82
    • RETWEETS
    EightTwntyEightGoodnightGoldieDaphneDoo_PleasantSurprizAmeyaSurwaseLuvPugNGoidieBoobzillaz
    laurascaz
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    The great thing about sleeping alone is you can be whatever spoon you want to be.



    :-(

    • 183
    • FAVS
    2ndCitySaintWetCymentiansiouxtayandmaeajpollardjenyb4tborges11vodkaandwine
    • 82
    • RETWEETS
    TheTower512ndCitySaintiansiouxtayandmaejenyb4tborges11BoobzillazMistressOfOz
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    Not douchey enough. TAKE IT AWAY! - Ed Hardy

    • 186
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerMistressOfOzMikeLalliLuvPugcassvinceJosesLovesYouBonesHerjoindthedarksid
    • 70
    • RETWEETS
    cassvinceDarzieDAMN__KieranJMLrodtopiaCSells20Black__ElvisleahlovescheezakaJoJo_
    TrueDouche
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    I thought I saw Drake today but it was just a kitten playing with a paper bag

    • 162
    • FAVS
    milkshakebitchJaBa_LBCbingkirdMissy_Kell_tarheelskid_Javi_AirMikeLalliMcInappropriate
    • 86
    • RETWEETS
    JaBa_LBCKizerBillhelmACL_JoshMikeLalliellejizzerDarzieDAMN__d_a_nichHlaoRoo
    tryped__
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    Got bit by a bug yesterday. Still an ordinary human being. FUCK THIS.

    • 173
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerMistressOfOzdandartLuvPugcassvinceJosesLovesYouerrhmagerddsherb002
    • 65
    • RETWEETS
    sykomom123iam_sNsLuvPugcassvinceganeshbrandonstefdhondtDarzieDAMN__KieranJML
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    I'd rather have hot local Pringles wanting to meet me.

    • 155
    • FAVS
    JRT_91tayandmaetonywoodliefDadUnderfirescubaaprilAmandaStecykrobin_991toni_goldsetin
    • 71
    • RETWEETS
    tayandmaeDadUnderfireLiseMerlerobin_991McInappropriateellejizzerdanielleP99Lips_Eleven__
  • evofck
      Evan @evofck

    Twitter crushes are the best way to realize how stupid you really are.

    • 150
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerBonesHerTattleTSisterpoppy_daydreamsDarzieDAMN__redheadtart__est1975blogHlaoRoo
    • 75
    • RETWEETS
    ellejizzerpoppy_daydreamsDarzieDAMN__HlaoRooweswesdanIlovelamp1979tryped__Nicholey23
    Ilovelamp1979enigmaticmessBeforeTheDamageLisa_Laughs_
@evofck

@evofck

Proud dad to two dinosaurs and two cows. I like to laugh and like scandalous DMs. Give me a boner and get a prize.