@beard_fucker @lameballz has both your books and loves them.
Gonna throw this guy out here pic.twitter.com/9cBCxYdzCU

Tiny high school senior girl at this prom after party wearing a trucker hat that says Drink Fuck Repeat

All the dogs entered into dog shows should be eaten at the end

Whoops two of my employees walked into my office and commented that something smells like poots. Caught

Just sitting in a cloud of butt stink at work

Never write anything personal or sincere on the Internet: just post jokes about buttholes on twitter

Farted at work and ten minutes later teen worker asked me if something was burning

Just saw a wolf hanging out by the side of the road. Looked like he was up to some shit.

Investigate a potential employee and look at their Facebook and see they really identify with Ravenclaw

Man there’s a lot of people cosplaying as Jabba the Hut at Disney World

At work you have to keep your horny levels low

Took me a while to find the baby wipes in the store. Really thought baby stuff would be next to the pet supplies. Babies are pets right?

@satellitehigh we had to put a cone on my dog and she’s been running it into my legs http://t.co/hYRu7UwP

Thinkin about being naked

I’m alternating giving people blue then black ink pens to sign their credit card receipts with at work

I feel like I’m a coffee dragon

A camp counselor just picked a kid up by his skate and shook him til he fell out of the skate

These horny levels are off the chart!

There was a small pony in Petsmart http://t.co/FZFHfhQj