I'm just a girl standing in front of the internet asking it to love her.

Uh, I think you're confusing me with a different cunt.

Cool chain wallet, man. Now you won't lose your wallet or your virginity. Kind of a 2 birds 1 stone scenario.

I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you. #consulting

Not leaving a voicemail is the new voicemail.

Fucking fucks. Flaky, shitty people disgust and disrupt me.

The email I sent had an attachment you didn't bother to open and now you have questions? My bad.

Sorry, I've been outside tanning. #tanning #melanoma

Agree. RT @frankcurtisb: @glottrules Thanks, bro. You're not an asshole. @gbrousseau @geofftate96 @el_ron_hubbard @ohduarte @drewbarth

#Truth  http://via.me/-9fizb1u 

SUCK it up and someday you won't have to SUCK it in. #suck

#Hendersonwin @ufconfox

Dear Everyone,

Please stop leaving voice mails. It's fucking irritating and it's also 2012 now.

Thanks

#work #idiots #HR

Scared to death of croissantulas. #spiders

RT "I'm playing for a charity called White Kids Without iPads."
@adamcarolla

I often go hard but occasionally go home. Just realized.

I suck some serious ass at putting lights on a Christmas tree. Happy holidays.

Soon headed to the XXX Root Beer Drive-In...

It's cute how baseball players think they are athletes. You are not fooling me. #boring

#FF @bazecraze @glrulesmedia @henlips @kervinf @laustinatifound @savageemperor @untresor