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Kim Kardashian is getting a $20,000 wedding cake. The icing will read, "Fuck you, Somalia!"
A book says school 'outcasts' are more likely to make successful adults. Man, popular kids would be pissed, if they could read
Kate Gosselin says she's scared for her future now that her show's cancelled. Honey, you've got 8 Asian kids. Open a Nike factory
Mark Zuckerberg's bought a $7 mil mansion. It's got poor security. Also, he'll constantly remodel until everyone hates it
Lady Gaga's admitted she smokes weed while writing songs. That's why she keeps forgetting they've already been written by Madonna
It's Oprah's last show tomorrow. Now your wife's going to have to go back to forming her own opinions
Hey, 'elite' assholes. Tweets posted by someone with 200 followers can be just as funny as those by someone with 20000. Lose the swagger
Say what you like, that woman disrespected her own life far more than any one of us could ever disrespect her death
Teenagers; please DO continue posting inspirational concepts that you've learned in your 17 years. My 35 year old self's lapping it up
6 million people now follow Justin Bieber on here. Scary. But, scarier still; one day, they'll all be old enough to vote.
Wow, I really love sex. If I remember correctly
"Fuck you. You really should appreciate my hilariousness more" - All of us
Harold Camping says he's "flabbergasted", and it's been a tough weekend. Cheer up mate. It's not the end of the world
Hey boys! I wanna suck your c....oh shit. Wrong account. Close one. So...like...boobs and stuff. Rarr. Yeah
Ignore someone and they don't exist. By talking about them, you give them greater power. It's how Christians invented Jesus
Patrick Schwarzenegger says he wants to be an actor, like his dad. Come on kid. Which is it? An actor, or like your dad?
The US credit rating COULD drop even FURTHER. In fact, the economy's SO bad, Angelina Jolie is now adopting kids from America
Charlie Sheen's jetted off on his private plane to the Bahamas. With three hot girls. But remember kids, only losers do drugs
Breaking news: Amy Winehouse found dead in her London flat.
Other breaking news, Adele found alive in her fat
"Thor" opens today. For those unfamiliar, he's a Norse God. For those familiar, girls have something called a vagina. They feel nice
Facing Africa organises and funds teams of volunteer surgeons to do facial reconstruction on children whose faces have been destroyed by the disease noma.