A blowjob is an apology with benefits.

Boys are great...every girl should own one.

As your new groupie, I am going to starfuck all of you today. I look forward to squirting all over all of you.

Him: what time did you stop tweeting and go to bed?

Me: what time is it now?

Is it ironic that I went to my lesbian neighbours house for taco dinner?

If you are starfucked and not followed by that person just think of it as a one tweet stand.

Let me know if my ass hurts your cock.

Having a wet pussy all the time is just natures way of saying, you are going to get fucked over a lot in life, this will make it easier.

I am not quite as "Look at me!" "Look at me!" as most are on here, but I am a little "glance my way".

Couldn't find my bathing suit so I am wearing matching panties and bra. That's the same as a bikini, right?

Can glaring cause sunburn?

When someone truly believes in you, that power gives you unimaginable strength.

If I was as clumsy in bed as I am out of it, my husband would be in traction.

Do you think the Angry Birds are jealous of the Twitter bird? Is that why they are angry?

Twitter is proof that talk is cheap.

I tweet better when I am high because I'm not worried.

My husband might not like waterparks, but he sure loves this slippery ride.

My big lily white canadian ass loves to bounce on big balls.

#wipeoutcanada

The clitoris is not hard to find....but finding the right button to push at the right time requires a schematic.

Today I am going to bake 'brownies' and serve them about 2 hours before dinner. That will make my cooking the best meal they ever ate!

Gingers are not soul stealers....they are soul manipulators.