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People trying to explain MGMT songs:
'It's about a handjob'
'Newton's 3rd law of thermodynamics'
My flatmate has a JLS condom that expires in 2016. It lasted longer than they did
Lecturer asked how many countries there are in a world, some guy shouts
"MORE THAN OR EQUAL TO 12"
Well, he's not wrong
Coursework mark schemes could not be more vague:
Explain in detail
Explain in more detail
Explain all the detail
I'd be 100% fine with Russell Brand and Noel Fielding running the country
Why do driving instructors wave at each other? Do they know every driving instructor? Do they all live in the test centre?
Surprised nobody in an exam has thrown down their pen and demanded a trial by combat
'Polyjuice Potion' from Harry Potter is cheap piss beer students drank, and named 'Polyjuice' because Hogwarts was a polytechnic uni
I hope that somewhere in the UK, George Michael has just run out of cocaine, to look outside at a blanket of white with a tear in his eye
So when Bond walks into random girls' showers its "romantic" but when I do it I'm a "sex offender" and "have to leave Premier Inn"
If Toby thinks this BBQ is going to be quiet chills he's sorely mistaken, i've got a playlist containing only pirate metal and a bag of MDMA
The Wolf of West Street
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