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Friends: 475
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@farkette's (Tara Farkas) most faved Tweets...
farkette
Instead of trying to stretch your shirt down over your ass to cover your boxers, why don't you just PULL YOUR PANTS UP!
@farkette
farkette
The difference between ass-kissing and brown-nosing is depth perception.
@farkette
farkette
OH: Sittin at my camp site, checkin out the moon and wondering if the moon has to be full for the astronauts to land on it
@farkette
farkette
OH: 9 out of 10 men prefer women with large breasts. The other man prefers the 9 men.
@farkette
farkette
OH: I asked my husband why he didn't have a facebook page. He said because he's a grown up.
@farkette
farkette
I don't even celebrate my own birthday so why the hell would I care that it's yours?
@farkette
farkette
In this ecocomy it's no longer about the Benjamins. It's all about the Washingtons, baby
@farkette
farkette
You get 2 seconds to realize it's your turn at the 4 way stop or you lose it & it becomes my turn.
@farkette
farkette
A bus station is where buses stop. I train station is where trains stop.

At work, I have a work station...
@farkette
farkette
If you can feel underwhelmed or overwhelmed, can you ever just feel whelmed?
@farkette
farkette
You see what I did there?


You did!??


STALKER!
@farkette
farkette
Just got carded for a beer. Win!
@farkette
farkette
What a gorgeous day to try & find someone to rake my leaves.
@farkette
farkette
Oh, that offended you? Well I'm offended that you're offended. That means YOU owe ME an apology.
@farkette
farkette
Star this, bitch! Just kidding.



...or am I?
@farkette
16
ImAwake2iamnotdiddyrscooter27kambrockdropdeadchrisThaozillaMyDogDieseltammyphinneyrachyrach1simontarrprettygirlmasonbigeasyTony_E_NCDavedebruynePunkrockieTheUnsayable
farkette
Look, if he's driving under the speed limit, it's ok to pass. Cops are not pace cars!
@farkette
15
drewmongem1key_m00njoeschmittRanGTglitterpleasedesignbuffkambrockk2bfJerryThomasMrBigFistsd_riveranavanaxrachyrach1DavedebruyneTheUnsayable
farkette
OH: I'm like a fat kid playing dodge ball. I'm out.
@farkette
15
ImAwake2Thaozillam1key_m00nBillMc7MrBigFistskambrockRanGTPaulineTVrazorwittedbigeasyTony_E_NCDavedebruyned_riveraPunkrockieTheUnsayable
farkette
I can't see clearly now the beer is gone....

Tripped over all the obsticles in my way...
@farkette
14
ImAwake2factualfictionk2bflinajkMrBigFistsRanGTdesignbuffkambrockrazorwittedbigeasyTony_E_NCNetByMattDavedebruyneTheUnsayable
farkette
I'm going to roll my clock back an hour right now. I'm not a farmer. Why should I have to wait for when *they* want to do it?
@farkette
14
m1key_m00nRanGTImAwake2anonygirlMrBigFistsiamnotdiddykambrockthebenbrooksrachyrach1bigeasyTony_E_NCDavedebruyned_riveraTheUnsayable
farkette
I could totally walk a straight line right now if the Earth would stop moving.
@farkette
14
RanGTxrayedmanMrBigFistsm1key_m00nThaozillaiamnotdiddydesignbuffkambrockthebenbrooksbigeasyTony_E_NCDavedebruyned_riveraTheUnsayable
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