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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    Gift @farleftcoast Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 4,472
    • FAVS
    krishna_vanDean_Machine_symono60e21_2007DonaldGoesAwolfemigurlstarfish19673JedZiggler
    • 4,585
    • RETWEETS
    Dean_Machine_PaulHaydonsymono60e21_2007DonaldGoesAwolstarfish19673KellDeggersJedZiggler
    TrueTorontoGirlHairyJew4LifeVikeeysSecretArroiaTinkerbell_BillFienbergThe_MartiniGirlthenoahkinseykelkulusMoneypennyNakedMyHairyLife______calluptomewestcoastgurl____piplipsflipthistweetzachreinert03eliserose5__RudeRidingRomeoGreenAyedWunSadSilentMonkey__SeanInCypressEFFFFFFYOU________NikiWithIssueslvvzzSingleVickyKindOfASmartass__CroweJamthetobbiePlatinumShower____erased_250968215shurtcobainfacciabellaGroperClevelandtigersgoroooarcraydrienneSCbchbum
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    Christian friends, I’ll never go to church with you. Healthy friends, I’ll never go to the gym with you. Drunk friends, when and where?

    • 2,204
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinlotus_bomb22RDEjuniorChrisSpencer71Tw1tter_K1ttenPGrzesinapaulablu221Happytwit
    • 1,331
    • RETWEETS
    kanorcarbooKwame__cdmercer7paulablu22klaun6Manicmommy70Krantzy_Pantzkayrai
    thetobbieMr57percentDaNaLa13JVarsityCaptainBillFienbergJaySusHChristNerd_Boner________FloatersfinestdannydogmouthMicheleAKALipsLisa_Laughs_llvvzzthedailymarkerReverend_ScottHannahAnticsSasssPantstamytoo2
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    You treat your body like a temple?

    That’s nice.

    I treat mine like a whorehouse above a liquor store next to a motherfucking Taco Bell.

    • 1,752
    • FAVS
    onume_hurricane_heideCanadianMclovinangieissobrunopieroniNotSoEvilDeadLexiLouie14clintgil
    • 1,211
    • RETWEETS
    chevychick69Its_CrystalLeeTw1tter_K1ttenpaulablu22peenuh_popAceFlavoredHunnerGoMeowdjr_102
    SharpeBytesslyoung5Kim_pulsiveEvilBrittneyGItalianBratikusiamsugarboogertrialfemmemarkboywonder__One_FineMessCompocolypsehot_coughy________
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    I pretend to like people everyday. It’s called being an adult. That’s why we’re allowed to buy booze.

    • 1,339
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinTiffanyRShelScriptWriter14paulablu22li4mst3w4rtcrapet_nuage1AOAngiesquirrel74wkgn
    • 1,043
    • RETWEETS
    ScriptWriter14paulablu22li4mst3w4rtToodleTweetGoodBadThingmoskrinKatieomacAnkitTripathi5
    NaomiGlitterMrsMikePatton__iBrowniEdwarholearyOhNoSheTwitnt
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    I can almost pay my bills is the new American dream.

    • 1,122
    • FAVS
    bookwyrm102571mavisritafarrowweathrgirlmargeerXindrawnTOPLAWDOGsilkymilky14lorigonzalez28dixonshuman
    • 1,118
    • RETWEETS
    riesypieceyerXindrawnqueenwxnnabesilkymilky14lorigonzalez28dixonshumanTeddyboomH3lipilot
    Kim_pulsive
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    Everyone always makes fun of my man purse until I bust out a bottle of wine, a bag of weed, a bong, milk, cookies and a cheese platter.

    • 1,449
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinTw1tter_K1ttenpaulablu22MindBytesli4mst3w4rtolerunkbitchPleasantSurprizArrogant_Twat
    • 721
    • RETWEETS
    paulablu22li4mst3w4rthistwaddleSaveItForFestheatherjsfantasy_jamesCedricoAndrettiLipglosslesbo
    SheOverAnalyzessnapperdoo________JazzzzzminaFrauDammt__shegotagronkkidphoniclakeanagirl
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    Jesus Christ! I forgot to buy dog food last night and now my dogs are playing a Sarah McLachlan album and googling humane society.

    • 1,258
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinlotus_bomb22CarStan1114JimCooprpaulablu22silent_musingsMindBytesdjr_102
    • 731
    • RETWEETS
    JimCooprpaulablu22li4mst3w4rtheatherjsMissesPopsgoodtimenoelkukolikfergnef
    SharpeBytesjosh4pizzathenoahkinseyOne_FineMessCherhole__________HeyZeus666
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    I was going to go for a run this morning. Then I remembered I don't run so I put some whiskey in my coffee and sat back down.

    • 1,263
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinboxer_3690HeyZeus666bearsnflamesDukEB51nmienboISYONDOPsychographEd
    • 688
    • RETWEETS
    norre01JimMarshall007DukEB51nmienboISYONDOThe_MartiniGirlmsbellljlulynn
    TomBanks1________KimJungilSpirit__Blondiethegoodshegotagronkzachreinert03
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    It's crazy how crazy religions think the other crazy religions are crazy and that their crazy is the right crazy. It's crazy.

    • 1,144
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinTrueTorontoGirlpaulablu22li4mst3w4rtgoodtimenoelPuffPuffCandiDarzieDAMN__Whoopdeedoo22
    • 747
    • RETWEETS
    paulablu22ToodleTweetkcMcCowgirlhipstermcgoo______Ellani_BelleMissCurlyBlacksTomServo18khromechronicle
    VoiceofgarthFat_berryJoelAnairThatNymphAprilmostlydelirious__
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    When I hear a guy say “That’s fucking gay” I stick my dick in his mouth and say “No, no. THIS is fucking gay!”

    • 1,204
    • FAVS
    therobshowliveSamuraileyawesomeseank__SamsaraSouloldkimcoleinnocent_bitch_Darren_Mirandae21_2007
    • 583
    • RETWEETS
    e21_2007CanadianMclovinjefwin46FitnessJourny14paulablu22li4mst3w4rtTDeeRockSupafunkadunka
    Kim_pulsiveInappropri8Alex__Stellacopterkevnastoh_depeche__shkeeberwashere__talkinboozeball
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    I drink because people talk.

    • 967
    • FAVS
    mavisritafarrowCanadianMclovinsappypervertfilmmakerRNOtinabinaWaterLilyDreamsdawnloriaMakesYouGiggle
    • 657
    • RETWEETS
    Ms_XavierhozwinUnFitzBambamVictoriaalkaneCh4NamelessCynicnatalayhehoo__paulablu22
    MoistPorkJust_Lee_1__isuisorisuaint__
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    Working in an office with only straight men is hard. New shoes, new haircut and not one word. This tweet is hard to write between the tears.

    • 1,048
    • FAVS
    SamuraileyBitter_PatMarquisOSnarkieoffs12KevinBolognaTehNemsterKawaiiKrakenSamsaraSoul
    • 245
    • RETWEETS
    MarquisOSnarkieYFoufoulakisoffs12KawaiiKrakenSamsaraSoulswolebeauCanadianMclovinpaulablu22
    kelkulusKindOfASmartass__MizBlueBallswheelfreeddosesofneurosis__
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    A jogger just yelled at me for accidentally blowing pot smoke in his face. So I yelled at him for making me feel fat.

    • 893
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinMindBytessquirrel74wkgnkathybotteasjohngayseeDarzieDAMN__Whoopdeedoo22JoabPudindinker__
    • 262
    • RETWEETS
    JoabPudindinker__kcMcCowgirlDumbConfessionskhromechroniclecanadasandrajumabrYouCantFoolKenyanRedhead_
    diabolicalexMsJulzthedailymarker
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    Treat her like a gay man once in awhile. Take her to brunch. Take her shopping. Then take her home and fuck her in the ass.

    • 679
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinDannHKLcaitlynpaige16minnie_in_pink7li4mst3w4rtpickard_jessicaAutumnWorksItSupafunkadunka
    • 321
    • RETWEETS
    minnie_in_pink7li4mst3w4rtLisaACOTA__squirrel74wkgnsissy1979xsavage_wienerafckinggrownupCwAy_bc
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    I just saw an entire family jogging together. I’m so glad I was raised by potheads cause fuck that shit.

    • 695
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinBambamVictoriaAnna_MollyDmikeishappyGreenSmoke_li4mst3w4rtsquirrel74wkgnkathybotteas
    • 303
    • RETWEETS
    djr_102li4mst3w4rtClarenceBeeksXRowdyHindujdgro3253MarikoWTFhazelmotes1mellimelle
    TrueTorontoGirl
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    Monogamy: Because you've been together too long and let yourselves go too far to get naked in front of strangers anymore.

    • 596
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinMindBytesli4mst3w4rtsquirrel74wkgnjohngayseeDarzieDAMN__Whoopdeedoo22PuffPuffCandi
    • 191
    • RETWEETS
    li4mst3w4rtPuffPuffCandiurgeekisshowingTheBeerGuy73TwitmytweetiesEdSpeshel________PFraleighAnothrGayJustin
    Kim_pulsivehidingfromme__MyDarkSide73slyoung5NotJPo__GulfCoastJakeSeanInCypress
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    Mom: What are you going to do if Jesus comes?

    Me: Well...swallow, obviously.

    Mom: STEVEN!!!

    • 501
    • FAVS
    BambamVictoriabdpentecostK_Duron200CanadianMclovinsilent_musingsMindBytesli4mst3w4rtshayf_
    • 273
    • RETWEETS
    bdpentecostK_Duron200Favstar500Favs__SvengaliLudditeAtyHansausten_420Great_JENetics__WICKEDTRUTH01
    QwertyJones3Gobshite_
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    I was asked if married people get in trouble for going out drinking alone.

    We get in trouble about toothpaste what the fuck do you think?

    • 490
    • FAVS
    e21_2007starfish19673andrew_ryCanadianMclovinMindBytesMoneypennyNakeddjr_102li4mst3w4rt
    • 207
    • RETWEETS
    starfish19673CanadianMclovinmamamia6212BarW38jologzShipInTheKnightWubbyMcGubbyBowdark64
    atombobadum
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    I just overheard someone saying that their hair looks “horrible and gay today.”

    That’s not even a possible combination you fucking idiot.

    • 455
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinMindBytesswollenvoiceAnna_MollyDhannmartdjr_102li4mst3w4rtToodleTweet
    • 224
    • RETWEETS
    djr_102ToodleTweetThatLoudgrlnareshchandracJenn_Gervaisb3llathe_hippie_momLindaLacey8
    peetiesays________Paxochka
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    When is Twittervention coming to television? It’ll be great. An entire hour of people laughing at their phones while their families cry.

    • 440
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinMindBytesli4mst3w4rtDarzieDAMN__Whoopdeedoo22smirkykevLindaInDisguiseSSparklesDaily
    • 222
    • RETWEETS
    smirkykevcanadasandrajoeyfullystatedMaxxosaurusurgeekisshowingKim_pulsivehoneybadgerMelsumpeoplelikeit
    sumpeoplelikeitCanadian_Hosershkeeberwashere__shurtcobain
@farleftcoast

@farleftcoast

When I get my hair cut I whisper into the stylist's ear you fuck up my hair I burn your salon down. Officially, legally and happily married to @thedailymarker

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