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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    Gift @farleftcoast Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 4,480
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    MissKellieUKa_bhrahmatmaangrytonythiscagedheartDeurb1BrandonMaynorfunnybeachgirlotterwrangler
    • 4,589
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    TrueTorontoGirlHairyJew4LifeVikeeysSecretArroiaTinkerbell_BillFienbergThe_MartiniGirlthenoahkinseykelkulusMoneypennyNakedMyHairyLife______calluptomewestcoastgurl____piplipsflipthistweetzachreinert03eliserose5__RudeRidingRomeoGreenEydColleenSadSilentMonkey__SeanInCypressEFFFFFFYOU________NikiWithIssueslvvzzSingleVickyKindOfASmartass__CroweJamthetobbiePlatinumShower____erased_250968215shurtcobainfacciabellaGroperClevelandtigersgoroooarcraydrienneSCbchbum
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    Christian friends, I’ll never go to church with you. Healthy friends, I’ll never go to the gym with you. Drunk friends, when and where?

    • 2,211
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    ShackerzzzangrytonySmuttWhisperercm_stoverthiscagedheartDeurb1kasumuni_MolotovJohnny
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    thetobbieMr57percentDaNaLa13JVarsityCaptainBillFienbergJaySusHChristNerd_Boner________FloatersfinestdannydogmouthMicheleAKALipsLisa_Laughs_llvvzzthedailymarkerReverend_ScottHannahAnticsSasssPantstamytoo2
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    You treat your body like a temple?

    That’s nice.

    I treat mine like a whorehouse above a liquor store next to a motherfucking Taco Bell.

    • 1,753
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    atDevinonume_hurricane_heideMolotovJohnnyAngieissobrunopieroniNotSoEvilDeadLexiLouie14
    • 1,212
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    atDevinSharpeBytesslyoung5Kim_pulsiveEvilBrittneyGItalianBratikusiamsugarboogertrialfemmemarkboywonder__One_FineMessCompocolypsehot_coughy________
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    I pretend to like people everyday. It’s called being an adult. That’s why we’re allowed to buy booze.

    • 1,339
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    MolotovJohnnyTiffanyRShelScriptWriter14paulablu22li4mst3w4rtcrapet_nuage1AOAngiesquirrel74wkgn
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  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    I can almost pay my bills is the new American dream.

    • 1,181
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    breyes3160TehNemsterrayerayemachinefyndmenowNirvanaCallingDustyHumeDivaDelusionalCali_Girl_76
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    Kim_pulsive
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    Everyone always makes fun of my man purse until I bust out a bottle of wine, a bag of weed, a bong, milk, cookies and a cheese platter.

    • 1,460
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    oleska_groamiesamsiesnicfitsbabyheavylifter36roseybabycakesMentalDV8oo1oo_bKLittell
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    SheOverAnalyzessnapperdoo________JazzzzzminaFrauDiavoloshegotagronkkidphoniclakeanagirl
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    Jesus Christ! I forgot to buy dog food last night and now my dogs are playing a Sarah McLachlan album and googling humane society.

    • 1,258
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    MolotovJohnnylotus_bomb22CarStan1114JimCooprpaulablu22silent_musingsMindBytesdjr_102
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    SharpeBytespause4joshthenoahkinseyOne_FineMessCherhole__________realHamOnWry
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    I was going to go for a run this morning. Then I remembered I don't run so I put some whiskey in my coffee and sat back down.

    • 1,264
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    thiscagedheartMolotovJohnnyboxer_3690realHamOnWrybearsnflamesDukEB51nmienboUGANDANCRAZY
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    TomBanks1________KimJungilSpirit__Blondiethegoodshegotagronkzachreinert03
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    It's crazy how crazy religions think the other crazy religions are crazy and that their crazy is the right crazy. It's crazy.

    • 1,144
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    MolotovJohnnyTrueTorontoGirlpaulablu22li4mst3w4rtgoodtimenoelPuffPuffCandiDarzieDAMN__Whoopdeedoo22
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    VoiceofgarthFat_berryJoelAnair__ThatNymphAprilmostlydelirious__
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    When I hear a guy say “That’s fucking gay” I stick my dick in his mouth and say “No, no. THIS is fucking gay!”

    • 1,204
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    therobshowliveSamuraileyawesomeseankSamsaraSouloldkimcoleinnocent_bitch___Darren_Mirandae21_2007
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    Kim_pulsiveInappropri8Alex__Stellacopter__kevnastoh_depeche__shkeeberwashere__talkinboozeball
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    I drink because people talk.

    • 967
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    mechanicalbirdeMolotovJohnnysappypervertfilmmakerRNOtinabinaWaterLilyDreamsdawnloriaMakesYouGiggle
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    MoistPorkJust_Lee_1__isuisorisuaint__
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    Working in an office with only straight men is hard. New shoes, new haircut and not one word. This tweet is hard to write between the tears.

    • 1,048
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    SamuraileyBitter_PatMarquisOSnarkieoffs12KevinBolognaTehNemsterKawaiiKrakenSamsaraSoul
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  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    A jogger just yelled at me for accidentally blowing pot smoke in his face. So I yelled at him for making me feel fat.

    • 893
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    MolotovJohnnyMindBytessquirrel74wkgnkathybotteasjohngayseeDarzieDAMN__Whoopdeedoo22JoabPudindinker__
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    diabolicalexmsjulzthedailymarker
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    Treat her like a gay man once in awhile. Take her to brunch. Take her shopping. Then take her home and fuck her in the ass.

    • 679
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    MolotovJohnnydannhklcaitlynpaige16minnie_in_pink7li4mst3w4rtpickard_jessicaAutumnWorksItSupafunkadunka
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  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    I just saw an entire family jogging together. I’m so glad I was raised by potheads cause fuck that shit.

    • 695
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    MolotovJohnnyBambamVictoriaAnna_MollyDmikeishappyGreenSmoke_li4mst3w4rtsquirrel74wkgnkathybotteas
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    TrueTorontoGirl
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    Monogamy: Because you've been together too long and let yourselves go too far to get naked in front of strangers anymore.

    • 599
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    nataliaelswellferfucksakeMichelleyMMolotovJohnnyMindBytesli4mst3w4rtsquirrel74wkgnjohngaysee
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    Kim_pulsivehidingfromme__MyDarkSide73slyoung5NotJPo__GulfCoastJakeSeanInCypress
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    Mom: What are you going to do if Jesus comes?

    Me: Well...swallow, obviously.

    Mom: STEVEN!!!

    • 501
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    BambamVictoriabdpentecostK_Duron200MolotovJohnnysilent_musingsMindBytesli4mst3w4rtshayf_
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  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    I was asked if married people get in trouble for going out drinking alone.

    We get in trouble about toothpaste what the fuck do you think?

    • 490
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  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    I just overheard someone saying that their hair looks “horrible and gay today.”

    That’s not even a possible combination you fucking idiot.

    • 455
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    MolotovJohnnyMindBytesswollenvoiceAnna_MollyDhannmartdjr_102li4mst3w4rtToodleTweet
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  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    When is Twittervention coming to television? It’ll be great. An entire hour of people laughing at their phones while their families cry.

    • 440
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    MolotovJohnnyMindBytesli4mst3w4rtDarzieDAMN__Whoopdeedoo22smirkykevLindaInDisguiseSSparklesDaily
    • 222
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    sumpeoplelikeitCanadian_Hosershkeeberwashere__shurtcobain
@farleftcoast

@farleftcoast

When I get my hair cut I whisper into the stylist's ear you fuck up my hair I burn your salon down. Officially, legally and happily married to @thedailymarker

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