@wilw I have you now, Wil Wheaton. http://twitpic.com/381swo

@wilw Waitress friendly? http://www.twitpic.com/4aj4lv

YES! my @hijinksensue fancy sketch drive request just arrived. the future is hard on @wilw . http://t.co/GJq88PkF

@wilw Soup is? http://www.twitpic.com/4ajbl1

"Australians are strong, loyal, trustworthy, and fierce fighters. If for some reason you don't own a gun, consider carrying an Australian."

FUCK YOU AUTOCORRECT, ECHIDNAS ARE REAL. THEY ARE NOT ENCHILADAS. DAMN YOU TO HELL. FUCK YOU.

Solid evidence that @larryemdur is the reason we can't have nice things. http://t.co/UUSyuQG3 @phobes

Fucktard at the doctors saw me looking at my stream and said twitter was for fags,Responded loudly with "GOOD LUCK WITH THE GONORRHEA THING"

HOLY FUCKING SHIT TONY, STRAIGHTEN YOUR FUCKING TIE. NEW RULE. IF YOU CAN'T DRESS YOURSELF, YOU CAN'T RUN A COUNTRY. ALSO, FUCK YOU.

@timoflegend 4yros just set the cat on fire and laughed maniacally in Happy Action Theatre. I hope you're happy.

Some punk just walked past and yelled at me to turn off my shit music. Replied with "I fucked your mum", looked out window. Yup. Did. Wups.

@taswell Upside: Being Ryan Davis Downside: Being Ryan Davis

ARGH HOLY SHIT THE KIDS WERE SITTING ON MY BED EARLIER AND THEY MUST HAVE HAD A SNACK BECAUSE I LAID DOWN AND ANTS IN BEARD ANTS IN BEARD

I AM JESUS DAD, BRING ME LARGE QUANTITIES OF WINE SO THAT MY BODY CAN PROCESS IT INTO LIQUID WASTE. ALSO, BRING NACHOS.

id totally laugh if abbott was killed by an iron. not a quick head bashing though, but all face meltyish hot steam screaming in agony way

I bought this book just for the title. http://t.co/8isu94c

Bored, building a quick android app that tweets
"Fuck You @tony_shark" for me with just a press of a button. It's gonna be soooo useful.

I'll obviously be bitten by a zombie first so I'm gonna bite the kids before I turn so we can feast on human flesh together, like a family.

@sickerthings It's amazing what damage an angry calf can do when you are trying to de-horn it. Especially when it attacks your penis.

oh god 5yros left a half eaten butter menthol on my pillow because and i didn't know and its in my beard and im afraid to move send help