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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    Gift @fart Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 5,812
    • FAVS
    Shittshesaysmcnally_rileyWindyCityRockrMamaMeowthKayleeVeneziaTwaiDizzleJotaroKakyoinknightvaliant
    • 2,862
    • RETWEETS
    heavyglxxmWindyCityRockrMamaMeowthTwaiDizzleNathanielWaggBabyBrierleyjc5643PinkLipstitch
    LeahKnauerUnrealRogueSteveDutzy
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    i bought a 30 pack of condoms and they expire in 2016. i’m crunching the numbers here and it’s not looking good

    • 4,518
    • FAVS
    kateshawnelsonmaltesepeterLeahKnauerBCKHSSLL_sadlad___avisaxenaaBonzilla_BryanEffEm
    • 2,886
    • RETWEETS
    mitchobrien26sarikaappleUnrealRoguegrabmybutstickdineshgada1973thisisntleroyWeirdBirdPalInsane_Cultist
    ParentNormalbloptPlaying_DadHome_HalfwaypartiallyproElColonelCortezsomeofmybest_correctomundoIamEnidColeslaw
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    no, no-- i'm pro-life only until the baby is born. after that the baby must exist in a hellworld of preventable disease and gun violence

    • 4,230
    • FAVS
    babestielLeahKnauerhipsterbonerstephentrmartincealthedeal_kontragueMattAx_soju_warrior
    • 2,923
    • RETWEETS
    fraucasablancasbabestielBoobie_StylesMattAx_BigTimeBrowniejtothemfpRadarPSUthetrilliantwin
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    i saw an ad on craigslist once that said “free firewood, u collect it” so i wrote the guy and said “bud you just wrote an ad for the woods”

    • 3,825
    • FAVS
    dpjpikeLeahKnauerMcGillivary91djfarallifelcastockmanHolllyHughesThe_HappyNoodleDHuerkamp
    • 1,762
    • RETWEETS
    byemenarmantendo64mitchobrien26NontariobushguyHolllyHughesEMareeDHuerkampAaronCampeau
    greenteam15Home_Halfwaypudding_clubtlemcoBassoonJokesTheFearBoners____kampsinloveletterbombsrobfee
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    kicked out of The Hobbit for shouting “NOW WE’RE TOLKIEN” every time something happened

    • 3,581
    • FAVS
    Will_Lloyd_LeahKnauerasymbinaOmar_ShabazzflesrullikkocraigpatikSilverBadgerGloebr
    • 1,844
    • RETWEETS
    EMareeatieyKHankHS3ari_zimmermanrobynmccannnbeanutpudderharis__sCarlosVanSRon
    DrDweezilphilyuck
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    wait, THESE are pistachios? i’ve been calling them wood clams

    • 3,293
    • FAVS
    LeahKnauerScott_7791M__BEZJoeyHeath10em_nachdavebrancosucksJoJomouthkernst2405
    • 1,666
    • RETWEETS
    EMareedavebrancosucksGlad_beaEeahKaijuRamblingsbRegankindakookykearajillianpizzutohtefuckin
    earfdaeduplicitronHome_HalfwayGregDorrisLunarmayorUpturnedBathtubedzitronzoeklarRowdyBowden
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    actually, Bon Jovi is the name of the BAND. you're thinking of Bon Jovi's monster

    • 3,103
    • FAVS
    DrUrinsteinLeahKnauerLottieVinsenMorenikeAdebay0jonas_hanssoncraigpatikWakaFlockaScottjake_kless
    • 1,782
    • RETWEETS
    MorenikeAdebay0haris__sABisqueToDieForRainmanMcmillinmirpanda07MikeACollierGarrettAdolfjakegunst
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    i don't smoke weed because last time i did it i stood in the kitchen and boiled an onion and ate it and the whole process took like 4 hours

    • 3,228
    • FAVS
    LeahKnauerjpatticakeLettuceBanditem_rrryyTokeHoldChokegablucaThugbitch666satansbarbecue
    • 1,300
    • RETWEETS
    beaux_yeux_bleuPapaSquishsatansbarbecueelieeepoolovephoebecatesDazzabooyahblxckfyresstephklebart
    SteveDutzy
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    did you see the @gofundme where awful people are literally rewarding darren wilson with cash for killing a black guy pic.twitter.com/KLGvLPRaxZ

    • 764
    • FAVS
    LeahKnauerglenna_optstefanguimondGuyOnDaTerlitthelittlephrasechrisbarnes5000hipsterscumbagbrubinow
    • 2,505
    • RETWEETS
    jakegunstLizinBaliMathsHueDan_SalehTrains69Dw_ghtstilliIIelllsbelllls
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    i’m worried that when i am 69 years old i will laugh for an entire year

    • 2,025
    • FAVS
    shandrickalaintremblay77LeahKnauerItsChevrichieV21djfarallifelMickaremusKelshaw
    • 1,119
    • RETWEETS
    ZeppoWilburyTheSpencerPerrythebaymonkeymitchobrien26MickaremusMick_Bosskeiranburnettmwjones99
    iBlayne__BrianhopecomedyGriffinrebornmojo_ca
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    do you think any old west guys ever made a poop and then shot the poop with a gun

    • 2,002
    • FAVS
    LeahKnauerJoelBuxtonpistolwistolbrianbrainbranidavebrancosuckshalloweenbearsAlisonBukiksaw_lol
    • 962
    • RETWEETS
    DrewFroggerlovephoebecatesgravveyardspistolwistoldavebrancosucksthisisntleroyDank_Herbertfuddlemark
    constantlyjoshgreenteam15TheAnimePoliceIamEnidColeslawkampsinrad_milkElephartrobdelaney
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    it'd be wise to take an archery class before you die so you can be a skeleton archer. don't end up a rusty sword skeleton if you can help it

    • 1,760
    • FAVS
    pinkrnilkLeahKnauerblxckfyresstalefriespistolwistolDragondanielaMamsellChaosMaiimouna
    • 1,079
    • RETWEETS
    blxckfyresDragondanielaMamsellChaosMaiimounaNaturalismusMolemittslinkshundSamHallDraws
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    over 7 years ago i added false information to the Manimal wikipedia article. it's still there. pic.twitter.com/do6jcHlinO

    • 2,226
    • FAVS
    AlexandraRose_Gdevin_burns86MacJudgersonfalloutboyisbadElHijoDelJoeBillyVonEldssourbeermanbutthorn
    • 602
    • RETWEETS
    falloutboyisbadRalf_E_ChubbsGoodOpinionManMacGruberJesseRyan_12VojBomblennyburnhamspoonermass
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    my neck, my back, my pizza and my snacks

    • 1,369
    • FAVS
    KirbysLeftEyeshruggingdragonAdrielVazquez10jewbajewchristinawilderaudreytang13glenna_optMollySneed
    • 1,203
    • RETWEETS
    empty_yshruggingdragone_v_an_fuckutomjewbajewgofastrunThe1stTylerOmegoon_
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    god is real and he's waited around for 13.7 billion years to watch you masturbate and get mad about it

    • 1,366
    • FAVS
    derkuzaoericallenhatchJoelBuxtonpistolwistolhalloweenbearsWillVanill_RRON_glenna_opt
    • 980
    • RETWEETS
    pistolwistolpatrickeckhartFiaca4HeyOpossumhfuckutomurinarymeatus69Mangyhuitzilopochtla
    poopiestOzymandingus______ThisAlexStein
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    when an incalculable number of innocent people have died because of an amendment, maybe its not a great amendment. just spitballin here gang

    • 1,520
    • FAVS
    56542949fa8c47frimtingsrkaramazovRobinBaileymj_langfordareitzzacharyschillerDanH_NYC
    • 729
    • RETWEETS
    Yo_Simmity_SamisabelborgesdaylenyangandrenavarroareitzConnorCimowskyc_wolffLeCommunard
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    so wait, explain again how “butt dial” is different from “booty call”? it still sounds like i should come over

    • 1,344
    • FAVS
    pistolwistolgLEAHittersiamesequinnAdrielVazquez10fuddlemarkethan_laymanYardBarbiedeathtoscumbags
    • 792
    • RETWEETS
    bearhatKyleZeppoWilburyRussFlexbrookJohnMeadowcroftrenegadeDADrewFroggerhrdgrdMattsBestTweets
    HiMattySimstlemco
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    "taking down the confederate flag will strip it of its honor" they say pic.twitter.com/HJ76iPk0B1

    • 1,308
    • FAVS
    BalenProizallenrkellygp_PhillyDakotaJarodsarah__woodallKatieOkumu123fairie_princeOMGitsSEDDIE
    • 824
    • RETWEETS
    npliegoc4c4dCanaanGarnerwilliamsgorskisDiaryOfIceTeafemmedeppbearhimetendershippin
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    RT @samuelrahsaan: Last time I hooped in Moore Gym I was guarding a dude with no socks on and he did a spin move and a smashed Mcdouble fel…

    • 4
    • FAVS
    glenna_optPopeJohn69onlinernetPaperWash
    • 2,071
    • RETWEETS
    harrisonvcAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    it would be pretty badass if people never stopped growing and old people were like 30 feet tall. anyway thanks for coming to my TED talk

    • 1,350
    • FAVS
    fjmikacTatumCSTweetingDadGuypvqkcMcCowgirl662x3DBwiddaDBsmilelovingdawn
    • 679
    • RETWEETS
    mattsketball662x3DBwiddaDBBlindDefSlimjoeyz95PROKITTENSDanbecBecksamelpan
    GraceSpelmanDrewFitz
@fart

@fart

silicon valley's most influential thought leader. @devops badboy.

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