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no, no-- i'm pro-life only until the baby is born. after that the baby must exist in a hellworld of preventable disease and gun violence
the guy from modest mouse sings like someone is chasing him with a garden hose
congratulations, you have invented the helicopter https://twitter.com/Atmel/status/684874345433321472 …
i bought a 30 pack of condoms and they expire in 2016. i’m crunching the numbers here and it’s not looking good
i saw an ad on craigslist once that said “free firewood, u collect it” so i wrote the guy and said “bud you just wrote an ad for the woods”
i don't smoke weed because last time i did it i stood in the kitchen and boiled an onion and ate it and the whole process took like 4 hours
in all sincerity i really did believe we were talking about Edward Scissorhands
wait, THESE are pistachios? i’ve been calling them wood clams
kicked out of The Hobbit for shouting “NOW WE’RE TOLKIEN” every time something happened
actually, Bon Jovi is the name of the BAND. you're thinking of Bon Jovi's monster
thank you to my good friend @BronzeHammer for recording my first national TV appearance. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3r51QI4Ctw&feature=youtu.be …
if you had
to pet every dog you ever wanted
in one moment
would you capture it
or just let it slip
when an incalculable number of innocent people have died because of an amendment, maybe its not a great amendment. just spitballin here gang
Voted Silicon Valley's Most Influential Thought Leader 2014-2016, IT Security/Risk Expert, Perfect Brain
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