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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    Gift @fart Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 15k
    • FAVS
    xBMxSlimShadyMpaige0brantleypollockGralala__savssharwanhallRehanHassan1quagzzz
    • 13k
    • RETWEETS
    1RaicmPaige_wallerxmarth_sGralalaP_Brookingmrs_the_monarchjohnffasitta130SassyGelato
    nikz_Jordan
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    no, no-- i'm pro-life only until the baby is born. after that the baby must exist in a hellworld of preventable disease and gun violence

    • 6,466
    • FAVS
    fraserlivktrivsArsenalAbroadsettlingslowstuart_foyKindalanaAaronCook69bevanshortridge
    • 4,369
    • RETWEETS
    DickkLegsmirpanda07tokyoagencyswm0904mrkobayashiDemetriAthMohdAlAdamRockzystyle
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    the guy from modest mouse sings like someone is chasing him with a garden hose

    • 5,822
    • FAVS
    jacob_jeffersJonMHicks_yadayadayadathebitchyfairyFloatingDisc_GoodJuJuclackgrouseMortimusgerbil
    • 2,866
    • RETWEETS
    v1ctorialfuckingponyboy_GoodJuJulilanimaluvr11GavinAWilksJhonRulesplyreneTallGlassOTall
    LeahKnauerUnrealRogueSteveDutzy
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    i bought a 30 pack of condoms and they expire in 2016. i’m crunching the numbers here and it’s not looking good

    • 4,519
    • FAVS
    CUTTINSWISSHeyOpossumhVojBombkateshawnelsonmaltesepeterLeahKnauerBCKHSSLL_sadlad___
    • 2,888
    • RETWEETS
    DickkLegsVojBombmitchobrien26sarikaappleUnrealRoguegrabmybutstickdineshgada1973thisisntleroy
    ParentNormalnatewentworthPlaying_DadHome_HalfwaypartiallyproElColonelCortezsomeofmybest_correctomundoIamEnidColeslaw
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    i saw an ad on craigslist once that said “free firewood, u collect it” so i wrote the guy and said “bud you just wrote an ad for the woods”

    • 3,826
    • FAVS
    isaacneelySharksOnCoucheswhalesdevlowblockifysome_crudLastGreatPoetmitchbd13jody_beth
    • 1,764
    • RETWEETS
    DickkLegsisaacneelycodytrippmitchbd13LOLY2KDavid_Shreve2PizzaSam31byemen
    greenteam15Home_Halfwaypudding_clubtlemcoBassoonJokesTheFearBoners____kampsinloveletterbombsrobfee
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    kicked out of The Hobbit for shouting “NOW WE’RE TOLKIEN” every time something happened

    • 3,581
    • FAVS
    simontoddtaylorredwingsdiva87Michael120309HoTCPRT_D_BrewskiWill_Lloyd_LeahKnauerasymbina
    • 1,846
    • RETWEETS
    DickkLegsBabcocksFlyHairT_D_BrewskibailmixEMareeatieyKHankHS3ari_zimmerman
    DrDweezilphilyuck
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    wait, THESE are pistachios? i’ve been calling them wood clams

    • 3,293
    • FAVS
    JazzmynHaydenkbaileyjava2EmmyHope666lindsay_terrynot_bjorkboootiquesyoulikeitgroovyoliviapomare
    • 1,666
    • RETWEETS
    iamthelukie420Kittenzgregmac_pchromedoubtOnceUponAPeteBenDownieEMareedavebrancosucks
    earfdaeduplicitronHome_HalfwayGregDorrisLunarmayorUpturnedBathtubedzitronzoeklarRowdyBowden
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    actually, Bon Jovi is the name of the BAND. you're thinking of Bon Jovi's monster

    • 3,103
    • FAVS
    ItsaTobisHeil_UutuutSkjb421tenaciousjddDrUrinsteinLeahKnauerLottieVinsenMoren1ke
    • 1,783
    • RETWEETS
    DickkLegsHeil_UutuutSsusannebohmMoren1keharis__sABisqueToDieForRainmanMcmillinmirpanda07
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    i don't smoke weed because last time i did it i stood in the kitchen and boiled an onion and ate it and the whole process took like 4 hours

    • 3,445
    • FAVS
    seenah_maddieh0pePorathNickLaurenAndursunroxydayy_nikkischuylerspookyashleyyPRTYPOSION
    • 1,377
    • RETWEETS
    tori_k57PorathNicknotdonniekimxx_xxmadriicheyamber_shockleykittyjnicksKatwomaan1017
    SteveDutzy
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    did you see the @gofundme where awful people are literally rewarding darren wilson with cash for killing a black guy pic.twitter.com/KLGvLPRaxZ

    • 764
    • FAVS
    LeahKnauerglenna_optstefanguimondGuyOnDaTerlitthelittlephrasechrisbarnes5000hipsterscumbagbrubinow
    • 2,505
    • RETWEETS
    jakegunstLizinBaliMathsHueDan_SalehTrains69Dw_ghtstilliIIelllsbelllls
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    i would like to have the original 1950s bart plan please pic.twitter.com/I8QpCtKAOt

    • 1,666
    • FAVS
    snell_amosCMNesbittawelflenikkashineddanyelllRaymondMacielRavenXandraBriaSloan
    • 1,487
    • RETWEETS
    jo_annachaoawelflenikkashineRavenXandraBriannaMonaeKendraSpeakingsixxela_duhhNegro_Suave
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    i’m worried that when i am 69 years old i will laugh for an entire year

    • 2,025
    • FAVS
    shandrickalaintremblay77LeahKnauerItsChevrichieV21djfarallifelMickaremusKelshaw
    • 1,121
    • RETWEETS
    BABIP_GodcubsbeisbolZeppoWilburyTheSpencerPerrythebaymonkeymitchobrien26MickaremusMick_Boss
    iBlayne__BrianhopecomedyGriffinrebornmojo_ca
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    your cool bio saying "NYC ✈️ LA ✈️ SF" has left me enchanted and wondering which lovely city you are being important in today

    • 2,210
    • FAVS
    WCHSPatrickJorgeBrosadamichelebraphaelEdwardJohnKyleeMinajsonotpetewentzcrashb0mbaccident000
    • 851
    • RETWEETS
    daltonantleycamdougieearthtokendallcrashb0mbBasedCrlJMoneyMCcdeverskylemuzyka
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    do you think any old west guys ever made a poop and then shot the poop with a gun

    • 2,007
    • FAVS
    WhiteRabbitRioHummingHodorLukeMitchell7junkyardiganhyenaearsLeahKnauerJoelBuxtonpistolwistol
    • 963
    • RETWEETS
    hyenaearsDrewFroggerlovephoebecatesgravveyardspistolwistoldavebrancosucksthisisntleroyDank_Herbert
    constantlyjoshgreenteam15TheAnimePoliceIamEnidColeslawkampsinrad_milkElephartrobdelaney
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    it'd be wise to take an archery class before you die so you can be a skeleton archer. don't end up a rusty sword skeleton if you can help it

    • 1,761
    • FAVS
    Heil_UutuutScarriesnotscarychachi_haygoodpinkrnilkLeahKnauerblxckfyresstalefriespistolwistol
    • 1,079
    • RETWEETS
    ZelduuuhblxckfyresDragondanielaMamsellChaosMaiimounaNaturalismusMolemittslinkshund
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    over 7 years ago i added false information to the Manimal wikipedia article. it's still there. pic.twitter.com/do6jcHlinO

    • 2,230
    • FAVS
    WillPalpsjoelgoldstein75BigDaddyClancyRKellysCousinrealmaxhandlerHurricaneZaraSierra_DoodleAlexandraRose_G
    • 602
    • RETWEETS
    Timccv164falloutboyisbadRalf_E_ChubbsGoodOpinionManMacGruberJesseRyan_12VojBomblennyburnham
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    my neck, my back, my pizza and my snacks

    • 1,470
    • FAVS
    mackenzierose34isabelleburkhkxkingxoliviaablaineLiliannaUalondra_vahanjaylenevelyDanis_2014
    • 1,275
    • RETWEETS
    maddieekfZoe_Sorlienmazegelenenyjadanniellbowen_rachkaitlyndewing_getlikelaurbbygurlsyd
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    god is real and he's waited around for 13.7 billion years to watch you masturbate and get mad about it

    • 1,367
    • FAVS
    carriesnotscaryderkuzaoericallenhatchJoelBuxtonpistolwistolhalloweenbearsWillVanill_RRON_
    • 980
    • RETWEETS
    pistolwistolpatrickeckhartFiaca4HeyOpossumhfuckutomurinarymeatus69Mangyhuitzilopochtla
    poopiestOzymandingus______ThisAlexStein
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    when an incalculable number of innocent people have died because of an amendment, maybe its not a great amendment. just spitballin here gang

    • 1,523
    • FAVS
    Manic8ballcarriesnotscaryVojBombgobears12156542949fa8c47frimtingsrkaramazovRobinBailey
    • 731
    • RETWEETS
    Manic8ballVojBombYo_Simmity_SamisabelborgesdaylenyangandrenavarroareitzConnorCimowsky
  • fart
      jon hendren @fart

    "taking down the confederate flag will strip it of its honor" they say pic.twitter.com/HJ76iPk0B1

    • 1,309
    • FAVS
    thejohnpricequeenmagssthisisnotawarSamRine97nameisnotknownBalenProizallenrkellygp_Philly
    • 827
    • RETWEETS
    cmljthenextmlkthisisnotawarSamRine97AmandaRisingnpliegoc4c4dCanaanGarnerwilliamsgorskis
@fart

@fart

silicon valley's most influential thought leader. @devops badboy. inventor of the famous phrase ~Live, Laugh, Love.~

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