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no, no-- i'm pro-life only until the baby is born. after that the baby must exist in a hellworld of preventable disease and gun violence
the guy from modest mouse sings like someone is chasing him with a garden hose
congratulations, you have invented the helicopter https://twitter.com/Atmel/status/684874345433321472 …
i bought a 30 pack of condoms and they expire in 2016. i’m crunching the numbers here and it’s not looking good
i saw an ad on craigslist once that said “free firewood, u collect it” so i wrote the guy and said “bud you just wrote an ad for the woods”
hey man. dont watch the olympics https://twitter.com/billygonair/status/4555732849 …
i don't smoke weed because last time i did it i stood in the kitchen and boiled an onion and ate it and the whole process took like 4 hours
having the personality type to want to be a cop should disqualify you from being a cop
wait, THESE are pistachios? i’ve been calling them wood clams
kicked out of The Hobbit for shouting “NOW WE’RE TOLKIEN” every time something happened
in all sincerity i really did believe we were talking about Edward Scissorhands
actually, Bon Jovi is the name of the BAND. you're thinking of Bon Jovi's monster
thank you to my good friend @BronzeHammer for recording my first national TV appearance. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3r51QI4Ctw&feature=youtu.be …
Voted Silicon Valley's Most Influential Thought Leader 2014-2016, IT Security/Risk Expert, Perfect Brain
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