Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
My new hobby is screaming "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!?" at waiters that I didn't order food from.
I swear I'm not drunk/high when I tweet. I'm just a fucking wierdo
Sometimes when I get mad in real life I'll say,"asdfghjkl."
All my tweets that suck are written in mid-piss.
Masturbating is great at improving your ability to make funny faces.
Ever had it where you hate somebody but then they start making wookie noises and you realize that they're awesome?
Apparently when you fuck a virgin a cherry pops out so like is it edible or what
GUYS WHAT IF AC/DC WAS ACTUALLY CALLED AB/CD WOULDN'T THAT BE HILARIOUS
Apparently giving my neighbours kids the GENIUS advice to shave their pubes as soon as they start coming in is "inappropriate". WTF!?
FORCE FEEDING HABAÑERO PEPPERS TO SOME RANDOM BABY LOL #YOLO
The people that always talk about how great Twitter is probably haven't seen the dark side AKA Will Ferrell/Wiz Khalifa parody accounts.
Sometimes I go all the way to Portland with just a yoga mat so I can feel what it's like to fit in.
Ketchup is my nigga