Every time I hear about a cool movie coming out I brace myself for the disappointment of finding out Anne Hathaway is involved.

WEED OBAMA GAY MARRIAGE WEED OBAMA GAY MARRIAGE WEED OBAMA GAY MARRIAGE WEED OBAMA GAY MARRIAGE WEED OBAMA GAY MARRIAGE WEED YES WE CAN

One of the best things about Obama is that he cares enough about this nation to make sure we all hear beyonce sing the star spangled banner.

I can't believe Romney isn't playing up the fact that he bought a horse and TAUGHT IT TO DANCE #debate

As much as I pretend to hate, I wish I had the confidence of a man who raps loudly along with his iPod in public.

Three girls followed me today. They must be friends because they all work for something called "cumhard .com." They seem really nice.

whenever i think my life would have been better in an earlier time i remember i am hispanic and female so actually no

How can people misconstrue the fact @dougbenson doesn't want to retweet every birthday as dickish when it's actually TOTALLY REASONABLE?

"I would probably be in slytherin because bats flew into our house when I was in my moms stomach" - Ethan, age 10

I lost two followers tonight. I guess I was too hard on Anne Hathaway's nipples--BUT NOT AS HARD AS THEY WERE ON THE RED CARPET ZINGGGG

I'm 22 years, 8 months, and 20 days old and I'm just now realizing that sex is way weirder than tv or movies or Usher said it would be.

Somewhere deep below the stadium beyonce is hooked up to wires dancing furiously to power the superbowl.

All. Men. Are. Dicks.

I like it when these facebook copy right statuses start popping up because it makes it easier to figure out which of my friends are idiots.

Somewhere backstage Paul Ryan is furiously lifting weights.

Bad news:Im nvr going to answer ur text bc I saw it while I was half asleep Good news:u prob entered my dreamspace in a small but pwrful way

I want to live in a world where weather this nice means everyone gets to drunk as much as they want all day and never work.

I'm so torn because while I am 100% unequivocally in support if marriage equality I also really like my profile picture.

The bar tender just used the n word while telling us a joke so long story short the rest of my drinks are free

ugh i guess its that time of year where nobody shuts the fuck up about firefly #delawarespecifictweets #nichemarket