"Honk if ur horny!", I said."Honk if ur a cumlord". Everybody kept on honking. And that's how I started a traffic jam full of horny cumlords

You can't spell 'lobotomy' without that bit of your brain that we just took out

How much Foo is there really left to fight

❒ single ✔ Taken ✔ Give me back my daughter

Hi my name is Jort. Oh hi Jort is that short for anything? Yeah it's short for Jean.

The first rule of Might Club is perhaps

Pirate Music? Yeah all the time...Ship-Hop mostly but also Floatzart's Cannon In D, Tenacious Sea, Sink 182, Mary J. Bilge, Hall and Boats,

Roses are grey, violets are grey, and so are you, I'm a dog

Sure dad I'm in a helicopter right now, I'm doing pretty well I gotta go talk later *watches spaghetti marinara rotate slowly in microwave*

Native Americans use all parts of the CD even rap and country

Fav British Hobbies: Balding, Glugby, Browniewallop, Sticks, Fannyrunting, Sticklywicket, Wooball, Tubbypiping, Lawn Blubbles, Vandalism

@hulkhogan hey Hulk Hogan big fan, why is my life so unfulfilling right now?

Tony Hawk's leaked sextape is rad! He starts off grinding, puts in a few grabs and does a dickflip. But I think the woman is doing a fakie.

Before twitter I used to read out my jokes on the bus. People would hit me for a retweet. I got a lot of retweets. There were no favourites.

"Hey who wants to play pokemon!" *throws egg at ground*

*Horton hears a WHOM

These Billie Jeans are not my colour

Impress your English teacher with your knowledge of homophones, by creating a commotion and a cum ocean at the same time

.@jerryseinfeld yo I don't think there are any deals with airline food but if you buy loads you might get a discount

Welcome to your first lecture in the subject of '3D design' *takes sheet of paper, crumples it* ok class that's a lot to take in for today