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Elbows are ugly. Put stickers on them.
Boobs were originally only meant to be plate holders until everyone got carried away.
Why isn't there a perfume that smells like a baby's head?
You only deserve to be single if you pull your pants up to your boobs.
A good way to make people hate you is to say toodaloo.
My tummy hurts today because I ate someone that was whistling.
When did my diary turn into a restaurant menu?
My hips don't lie. But my back fat does!
I sit at the kid's table because my boobs look really big there.
Everyone looks stupid when they're inside a sleeping bag.
Frost on car windows would be okay if a small penguin used his butt to wipe it off.
My next boyfriend is going to have a library card. I can feel it.
I always walk down the stairs like there's someone waiting for me at the bottom with a bouquet of chocolate covered strawberries.
When I burp, it always smells like candy canes so it's not as gross as when regular people do it.
Curtains can be used as dresses but don't do that.
The only reason I correct your grammar is because I started school when I was five.
I like pouring water on my feet and giggling when they don't grow.
I always respond to "How was your day?" with "I tried to eat my lipgloss and then I fell asleep."
I thought getting lucky meant finding a pony in your toilet.
When the world kicks you down, I'll pick you back up and throw you on a trampoline.