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Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.
Dad: Babies are made when the man puts his penis inside the woman to make her pregnant
Kid: So when does he get his penis back
The adult store called apparently I can't buy the big red vibrator displayed on their wall because its their fire extinguisher
What do you call 50 lesbians and 50 government employees in one room?
100 people that don't do dick
Life Tip: Autocorrect doesnt recognize tsunami so if anyone sends you a text that says Mao Tse Tung get the fuck away from the ocean
I've had so many Brazilian waxes, my vagina speaks fluent Portuguese
In the Czech Republic abortions are known as cancelled Czechs
Checked into a hotel with the kids & asked the desk clerk if the porn channel was disabled. No u perverted cow she replied its regular porn
Wife: I'm leaving you because prostitutes get paid $1000 an hour for doing what I do for free
Hubs: I wanna see you survive on $2000 a year
If I ever opened a bar I'd call it Amy's Winehouse
Guys during sex if your eyes start to tear your nose runs and u cant breathe chances are you're having a bad reaction to the pepper spray
School Books ~ $50
Mosquito Net ~ $25
Starving Child in Africa ~ Riceless
Kris Humphries admits that Kim Kardashian was more like a condom than a wife. Apparently she spent more time in his wallet than on his dick
I remember the end of the world like it was yesterday
Tampons should come with precautionary messages like "PUT DOWN THAT GUN" "THATS ENOUGH CHOCOLATE" "& "TAKE THAT FUCKING PILLOW OFF HIS FACE
Guy to Girl: You remind me of my baby toe
Girl: Cos I'm cute?
Guy: Nope its cos I'm gonna end up banging u on the coffee table
FBI have discovered how to weave Taliban prayer mats out of plastic explosives. They say prophets are going through the roof
Warning: if a UFO lands in your garden and little green people emerge shouting 'fuck you' earth has been invaded by extra tourettestrials
High-maintenance professional princess in Freudian slippers
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