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  • femin9
      Lisa K @femin9

    Angelina & Brad called their biological daughter Shiloh. I think we should all pray that little Shiloh Pitt is not dyslexic

    • 890
    • FAVS
    RealJinjaNinjaGinGanderiviguerSionnach666TheAlexNevileggotisticTrueTorontoGirlPissinBits________
    • 753
    • RETWEETS
    RealJinjaNinjaGinGanderPissinBits________CookieClowryTheIronSherkblackyboobooOnlyFastEddiedoccy_style______
    FuzzyPimpleHrBryKevinDeanGanderMaui_SpeaksUGotMeRightStevensLeavingsthatstingstheheathheadJayTheOkay
  • femin9
      Lisa K @femin9

    Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.

    • 732
    • FAVS
    makeuptubetabootheDanLawlerkratosfrostbitejeffswarensRealJinjaNinjaMllaylandElyzaZulkiflisamigreen85
    • 378
    • RETWEETS
    LynettetsKortersComedySamson1176Jack_B87__11milliontweetsHakkermaster77jeffswarensRealJinjaNinja
    KITTENSTARE______NoTime_toThink
  • femin9
      Lisa K @femin9

    The adult store called apparently I can't buy the big red vibrator displayed on their wall because its their fire extinguisher

    • 652
    • FAVS
    chrismerrillMon_x_TeyHoneyBaaBaaalwayssmilebigRealJinjaNinjacigarin20_LilTragediesBackpackerBooie
    • 331
    • RETWEETS
    chrismerrillMon_x_TeyRealJinjaNinjacigarinjumpdasharkall_about_todayinsertnamehurLawrenceToGo
    RomoForTheWin____ticknadaMyHairyLife______Barely_hinged
  • femin9
      Lisa K @femin9

    Dad: Babies are made when the man puts his penis inside the woman to make her pregnant
    Kid: So when does he get his penis back
    Dad: Never

    • 460
    • FAVS
    cigarinJohn_WhittemoreMrFBooth__sandymac5doctorjaninShaistaJustinSatuRistilOld_Regret
    • 269
    • RETWEETS
    ShaistaJustinSatuRistilOld_RegretBlackFlag_IzzykwirkyKerriMon_x_TeyUnderchildepandonenchev
    DaddyJewA_SmartAssstrandell
  • femin9
      Lisa K @femin9

    What do you call 50 lesbians and 50 government employees in one room?
    100 people that don't do dick

    • 732
    • FAVS
    alwayssmilebigRealJinjaNinjaloca_cat_ladyBackpackerBooieMrTallPaul1TheAlexNevileggotisticCountMackula
    • 254
    • RETWEETS
    RealJinjaNinjaloca_cat_ladySsmith0730jumpdasharkCountMackulaHeathersHotMessTigerScott88smartchic
    PeaceInTruth1letsdancebitchsllvvzzRealJimmySnow____
  • femin9
      Lisa K @femin9

    Life Tip: Autocorrect doesnt recognize tsunami so if anyone sends you a text that says Mao Tse Tung get the fuck away from the ocean

    • 469
    • FAVS
    cigarinGirlAllegrauncommonclayteenamberangelBlackFlag_IzzykwirkyKerriMon_x_Teygidelkolya
    • 235
    • RETWEETS
    cigarinGirlAllegramcselasieuncommonclayBlackFlag_IzzykwirkyKerriMon_x_TeyDoyle_McLain
    hamspamtymaamHuttonGrayDudeImShawnBoucheDag2k_BKL_____________Stacy_Dean
  • femin9
      Lisa K @femin9

    I've had so many Brazilian waxes, my vagina speaks fluent Portuguese

    • 578
    • FAVS
    obscenecuntWildeThingychrismerrillMon_x_TeyUnderchildeHoneyBaaBaaalwayssmilebigRealJinjaNinja
    • 190
    • RETWEETS
    chrismerrillMon_x_TeyUnderchildeRealJinjaNinjacigarinloca_cat_ladyjumpdasharkAsh333r
    sarcazm2
  • femin9
      Lisa K @femin9

    In the Czech Republic abortions are known as cancelled Czechs

    • 364
    • FAVS
    TheAlexNevileggotisticTheIronSherkhamspamtymaamCourageDRDONTJIMMYMEJULZThe_Andy_DrewSpartacunt
    • 178
    • RETWEETS
    TheAlexNevilkylboudreauKRussellTX82OnlyFastEddieReeMURDAzadesadekAngrytrashman____defnotscott
    fullblowndaveDrunkSocialite
  • femin9
      Lisa K @femin9

    Checked into a hotel with the kids & asked the desk clerk if the porn channel was disabled. No u perverted cow she replied its regular porn

    • 559
    • FAVS
    HoneyBaaBaaalwayssmilebigRealJinjaNinjaningeechopjjmick45BlueboggirlBackpackerBooiechrbis
    • 158
    • RETWEETS
    RealJinjaNinjachrbisdiscountzenjumpdasharkTheAlexNevilDoyle_McLainOnlyFastEddieEvilPandaX
    iTomFoolerysweetboudica______
  • femin9
      Lisa K @femin9

    Wife: I'm leaving you because prostitutes get paid $1000 an hour for doing what I do for free
    Hubs: I wanna see you survive on $2000 a year

    • 300
    • FAVS
    cigarinJenGwenSvenLiciousMayhemMon_x_TeyTheAlexNevileggotisticLadyTaTa__________CountMackula
    • 124
    • RETWEETS
    cigarinMon_x_TeyTheAlexNevilCountMackulatweet_Favorisdub2001delucareMikeR1ch____
    MasterOfFuryFunnyInMyHead
  • femin9
      Lisa K @femin9

    If I ever opened a bar I'd call it Amy's Winehouse

    • 371
    • FAVS
    TheAlexNevileggotistichamspamtymaamCourageDRDONTJIMMYMEJULZincognytoeicehead13JustUnstableMe
    • 109
    • RETWEETS
    BeaLuxx__________Dordeerwinniekeyshia____LazzLo_P_D_M21Walaloo_NotThatKunallewizzey
  • femin9
      Lisa K @femin9

    Guys during sex if your eyes start to tear your nose runs and u cant breathe chances are you're having a bad reaction to the pepper spray

    • 267
    • FAVS
    cigarinMon_x_TeyTheAlexNevileggotisticTheIronSherkDONTJIMMYMEJULZMrNickJCcrunchenhanced
    • 88
    • RETWEETS
    cigarineveryteen4freeMmmPrextonMon_x_TeyFuzzzyNutscrunchenhancedmarkiek69________whattaphuong
    mikerhoadsThat_Damn_Duck
  • femin9
      Lisa K @femin9

    School Books ~ $50
    Mosquito Net ~ $25
    Starving Child in Africa ~ Riceless

    • 329
    • FAVS
    eggotisticCountMackulapkninjaz__jaesplaceBTrainTweetsLetsGet9inedallisobnDONTJIMMYMEJULZ
    • 79
    • RETWEETS
    CountMackulaShelleyBesselallisobnWhaddupcomptonEvilPandaXticknadaacupofalrightcrunchenhanced
    YearOfRat
  • femin9
      Lisa K @femin9

    Kris Humphries admits that Kim Kardashian was more like a condom than a wife. Apparently she spent more time in his wallet than on his dick

    • 71
    • FAVS
    eolson24CountMackulaqwertyinged_spacefullblowndavedrgoobyKimJungilSpirit__grimpossible
    • 78
    • RETWEETS
    CountMackulaed_spacePnefariousCarboslyMichaelZiegler7__jumpdasharkryan711ExquisiteTast3
  • femin9
      Lisa K @femin9

    I remember the end of the world like it was yesterday

    • 97
    • FAVS
    CroweJamjasonlight73qwertyingjumpdasharked_spaceDoItWithWoodclean_not_soberDanKCharnley
    • 72
    • RETWEETS
    chrisreeder_ATXCraigRazRealDirtyDonkeyTheSweetestD_lolamaeakers______LycrawidowCatoMinorSPQRstephandstuff
  • femin9
      Lisa K @femin9

    Tampons should come with precautionary messages like "PUT DOWN THAT GUN" "THATS ENOUGH CHOCOLATE" "& "TAKE THAT FUCKING PILLOW OFF HIS FACE

    • 173
    • FAVS
    ggfletcherCountMackulaNoLuckWantedRDVassarSassOnMyMouthTeeS900__________rebekahbo________malber
    • 65
    • RETWEETS
    ggfletcherCountMackulaGACQueen13TeeS900__________GraveyardGuscrunchenhanced2drunk2walkneneygrrl________
  • femin9
      Lisa K @femin9

    Guy to Girl: You remind me of my baby toe


    Girl: Cos I'm cute?



    Guy: Nope its cos I'm gonna end up banging u on the coffee table

    • 285
    • FAVS
    fallybirdTheAlexNevileggotisticCountMackulaDoyle_McLainTheIronSherkDONTJIMMYMEJULZMrNickJC
    • 65
    • RETWEETS
    TheAlexNevilDoyle_McLainacerecerobmadbrad84crunchenhancedEvilPandaXpragg12mnmnah
    Jnmo48____________
  • femin9
      Lisa K @femin9

    FBI have discovered how to weave Taliban prayer mats out of plastic explosives. They say prophets are going through the roof

    • 288
    • FAVS
    UnderchildeSashaBrennerheyscooterRIKSHAZ9LICKdoublewideartThe_Dorkster______TheAlexNevileggotistic
    • 65
    • RETWEETS
    doublewideartThe_Dorkster______favstar_historyTheAlexNevilCountMackulaKhromeDome99JTppMancella145
  • femin9
      Lisa K @femin9

    Here's one for Beliebers and Non Beliebers pic.twitter.com/Ow9APdmk

    • 77
    • FAVS
    katlinlove47Farrar82redpawn3skuntmusclerebsghostkarl_cattersonshannon2703Chloestylo
    • 54
    • RETWEETS
    katlinlove47donbcivilredpawn3Oushinarrebsghostscrewe78Britlerrmsoverby__________
  • femin9
      Lisa K @femin9

    Warning: if a UFO lands in your garden and little green people emerge shouting 'fuck you' earth has been invaded by extra tourettestrials

    • 228
    • FAVS
    eggotisticCountMackulaDoyle_McLainDONTJIMMYMEJULZpjsharman4________ChristianPlanteramenfuneralqwertying
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    crunchenhancedjonslowstellah567moniquemichele8sc_vaughncanazn_73________TheSweetestD_Ariztobrat________
    robocreep
@femin9

@femin9

High-maintenance professional princess in Freudian slippers