I WILL TELL YOU THIS AS ABSOLUTE FACT, AMERICA: A GAY MARRIAGE HAS NEVER KILLED A DOZEN PEOPLE IN A MOVIE THEATER.

@barfcaptain i accidentally pissed on my shoe because someone wrote “PISSLORD” on the toilet and i couldn’t stop laughing

i will never understand militant anti-iphone cunts. no one gives a fuck what phone you're using, no one gives a fuck what phone i'm using.

i’m the foursquare mayor of a shyness that is criminally vulgar

has there ever been an internet porn site that used the slogan "putting the tt in http?" because that would be awesome.

iinet and internode should merge the two brands, creating a new company: internet

if you suffer from depression i highly recommend falling in love, the juxtaposition between the two is hilarious.

i want a twitter client that looks like mIRC

stay tuned for my band “nice guy & the fedoras!” - we don’t play music, we just stand on stage listening to you clap and hope you buy our CD

wall to wall emo on the ol' twitter feed today. cheer up, assholes, it's fuckin' friday.

this is basically what a natural 20 in AD&D looks like;  http://tumblr.ff3366.com/post/41090982565 …

“nice fedora, looks great on you.” - no one

dude's tshirt says "harden the f@$k up" - because censoring swear words is super macho

twitter, no shit, changing this thing to display "real" names instead of their usernames is entirely fucked. i have no idea who anyone is.

gonna open a chips and gravy place in south yarra and call it "CHIPS AND GRAVY: IT'S NOT THAT HARD TO FUCK UP YOU IDIOTS"

when i am crazy rich i will have two houses, the main house & a smaller house which i will lacquer, seal and fill with water for diving in.

downloaded the big w iphone app, doubt i'll ever use it but i wanna support big w because they're rockin' dudes.

Share a Coke with DEEZ NUTS

sparrows are so cute, man. fluffy little dudes just hopping around the place eating crumbs and not giving a fuck.

going to market a line of cologne called “fedora” - it smells like passive aggressive whining and fear