oh my god Plato you can’t just ask someone why they’re alive

literal penis pasta what the fuck Rome http://t.co/q6RjRbYt

business in the front party in the back http://t.co/O9l43ZfG

somebody get this Cosmo writer a twitter account stat pic.twitter.com/7oP0fzdu

kiss all dogges

guys. this is important you guys. guys. look what I used to look like. holy crap pic.twitter.com/QjMrwIGCJK

peace out, first year. it’s been rad

real talk: turning off street lights while lowering the top tax bracket is bullshit of the highest fucking order and I am not happy about it

there’s a baby crying a lot on this train and I want to go over to it and just be like “SAME”

I just re-watched pitch perfect and holy hell if that movie isn’t 10/10 I don’t know what it is

i went to the optician the other day. he told me my tears weren’t working properly. WHAT ELSE DO THEY WANT FROM ME I CRY ALL THE TIME

every time I walk into the kitchen I see this and every single time I giggle a little bit pic.twitter.com/ZW4Q8svVAi

for some reason work just paid me a random £120 that I’m pretty sure I didn’t earn. naturally, I intend to buy shoes

lots of work to get done today. lotsa work. a whole bag of work. a giant bucket of it. I don’t know what I’m saying somebody help me

*thbrrrrt* *toot* *pffft*

THE ONLY THING THAT STOPS A BAD GUY DOING A FART IS A GOOD GUY DOING A FART

HELP THE FEMINISTS ARE OPPRESSING ME WITH THEIR FUN DISCUSSION GROUPS AND BOWLING SOCIALS AND TRIPS TO THE PUB NOOOO

“women already have more power than men in this country” LMAO surely this is some kind of joke

“FREE GAZA” daubed in block capitals on the remnants of a cereal box and cable tied to a metal fence, oh university

happy spookday twitter. I celebrated by whispering “boo” at an automatic door and pretending it got scared and jumped out of the way