Bruce Jenner is napping with Kim's amniotic sac on his face.

Most sushi is rolled between the chef's feet. Enjoy your Dragon Roll.

I love my frizzy split ends unconditionerally.

A dance crew walks into a bar. They got served.

I was deemed "too real" for The Real Babymamas of Richmond #TRBMOR

Job interview tip: Mention that your child is sickly.

My pick for family movie night: pic.twitter.com/P0OcztuK5k

You may wanna rinse your coffee mug, I used it to bail water out of a clogged toilet.

Ooh my pussy so hot but it's a dry heat.

First date tip: Punch his balls while screaming "Get me pregnant!"

They may have guessed it was me who crop-dusted the DMV because I had my pants around my ankles and my ass spread apart.

Who said Cheney could open his whore mouth?

Kanye designs new sneaker based on Kim's obliterated box.

Nice pixie cut, girls named Erin.

Rap Name: Aftabirf

Activia has made me the Rapunzel of poops.

What in the fuck? RT @cosmopolitan Slip a finger up your dad's ass.

I'm half dad on my father's side.

They need to invent a thing that keeps my cigarette butts from flying back through the rear window into our baby's car seat

I don't understand how guys can eat pussy without ketchup.