I couldn't continue eating alphabet soup. One time the soup started to spell N I G G. That was enough for me.

Can you fix a broken bitch?

I always got the impression that Wendy was Ronald McDonald's fuck toy.

Always remember, 10 out of 10 black chicks on TV are wearing a wig.

Every time George Clooney smirks, somewhere in the the world a baby girl is born, that he will eventually fuck.

It's so tiring when auto-asphyxiation goes wrong.

Every time I see a garbage bag on the side of the highway, I think why can't I be the one to find the severed leg. Always the bridesmaid...

I'm Somali pirate hungry.

Being blocked is good, it let's you know who the real asshole is.

My friend just told me he went zip lining in Smugglers Knot in Vermont. Of course I asked if Smugglers Knot was referring to his asshole.

I'm wishing everyone new tattoos for Christmas, you deserve it.

A midget just cut me off on the high way. I can't be mad at the poor guy. Besides that,it looks like he has a short fuse.

If you're not near a sex shop, a quick replacement for a ball gag is a avocado pit and it's also bio-degradable.

I love tweeting as the hot sauce departs my frame.

Let's jump on car hoods and T.J. Hooker this shit.

"This shit is getting hairy" You around age 12.

I'm so ill (bad), one time I tweeted in N.Y. and a man in Tuscon died upon reading it.

Vodka smiles are nice.

I want to wake, bake and cake.

You're a fucking princess.