Completely accidentally found the best 404 web page ever...! http://t.co/MwRNSwRz

Ladies? There seems to be some confusion. The fastest way to a mans heart is with a sharp object between the 2nd & 3rd ribs. Happy to help!

Are we totally sure Rick Santorum isn't a sponsored joke run by The Onion or something?

"Crime doesn't pay". I call bullshit. Crime seems to pay the upper classes very well indeed.

Gotta love my body clock. Brain thinks: "Just 10mins more in bed". Body goes: "COOL! 3 hours more sleep!"

I got really emotional this morning at the petrol station. I dont know why - just started filling up!

Yeah I know. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems. But neither did being sober for most of the day.

New reports of up to 20 buildings in Athens now on fire & protesters closing in on Finance ministry. It's nearly a war zone now.

.@louisemensch Oh FFS. How is it a triumph for David 'I'm on holiday, what riots?, no idea I hired a criminal' Camoron?

Dear Tweeters with a boob profile pic. I'm following you coz you said something witty. My TL is actually so full of boobs I'm now immune.

In other news. David Cameron opened his mouth today and some lies came out.

Christians are weird. Why go to church on Sunday? Everyone knows it's his day off.

For anyone stuck alone today. Yup. It's just like any other day except the telly is a bit better. So don't stress it. Enjoy it.

It's a fine line between numerator and denominator.

Well I'm flattered but I'm already not in a relationship.

YOU! Yes you! Stop that! It's not the proper use for an electric toothbrush and you know it! It's your boyfriend I feel sorry for. >Sighs<

Personally I think the England team should become a post-modern collectivist anarchy run along Communist principles.

People who quote "Never judge a book by it's cover" a lot, are really letting you know they are sociopaths with a good cover.

Wish I could think of a Catholic joke. There must be masses.

Seems that IDS petition is so popular it's slowing the  http://change.org  website down ...  http://www.change.org/en-GB/petitions/iain-duncan-smith-iain-duncan-smith-to-live-on-53-a-week …