Twitter is just like real life: everyone ignores me.

First Whitney then Rodney. I hear the KKK is going to give Water a lifetime achievement award.

I was happy when I saw that Nancy Grace is trending on Twitter.

Unfortunately, it appears she's still alive.

Chik-Fil-A's entire business consists of stuffing a piece of cock between two buns. #irony

@opieradio You called it! RT @mediaite: Cleveland ‘Hero’ Charles Ramsey A Repeated Domestic Abuser With Jail Time  http://bit.ly/ZImYcH 

Anyone who tells you they've never had an enema is full of shit.

#BlueberryOatmeal Looks the same going in as it does coming out. #ImLovinIt

@opieradio footage of an awful wreck on the LIE! http://t.co/1D7Ata96 Massive carnage!

I’ve been followed, unfollowed, starred, RTed, trophied, and blocked. All that’s left on my twitter bucket list is having a tweet stolen.

@rooshv @heartiste The truth about that false rape graphic going around.  http://img69.imageshack.us/img69/5836/24675342.gif …

The top scams/lies we tell ourselves:
1. College is necessary
2. God loves America
3. Your vote matters

So are Jews RT @arishaffir Periods are God's abortions.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to debut my new video, “Jesus Shits on Muhammed.”

ATTENTION WOMEN WHO ARE DIETING: My penis is gluten free.

I want to thank every one of my followers who has favstar.fm for never giving me a trophy.

@rooshv @heartiste What if women had pua advice sites? My take:  http://fokmcast.com/?p=220 

@funnyfelipe if you went to community college you are probably unemployed right now, just like those suckers who went to real college.

Wait, you mean dancing cheek-to-cheek has nothing to do with our bare asses?

I've never received a favstar trophy. I have, however, received actual trophies. #inbowling

Does anyone here want to Wang Chung tonight?