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Sometimes I just hail cabs and walk away, to make up for the times they don't stop for my black friends. #friend
#FF my friend Mark from Boston.
"what the fuck are those little boxes?" - people with out iphones.
Hey Pizza place, quit it with leaving the menu at my door, I know what you have SLICES AND GARLIC KNOTS FOR DAYS.
"must bring my provisions to the bar!"- people with backpacks
Hate how British people are always favouriting tweets
Had to delete a previous tweet regarding homelessness and pants due to a spelling error. English is not my first language fucking sue me
Just threw a French fry at a girl ravens fan.... I can turn this around..
If ur a comedian it's helpful when u put "comedy" in your twitter name that way I know to laugh at ur shitty tweets
if anyone talks to me about shopping today ,my standard reply will be - "black friday is for shemales!"
Sometimes I wanna schtup a fine shiksa but then I think nah "too schmaltzy"
Watch out if an Asian dude tries to talk to you about the "Election" today , he might mean something else
Quick with a cocky rejoinder. Never Ignorant Getting Goals Accomplished. Pick up a book
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