@freckle_faced's (Amy) most faved Tweets...
Dang...neighbors next door were getting it on hardcore...almost went over there to ask if they needed a director.
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Violence won’t solve anything….But it sure makes me feel good.
NO!!! I don't want to be cute. I was being a smartass. Cute is the new "you are fat, but you have a pretty face"
When life hands you lemons, find the person you hate the most and squeeze it in their eyes.
I really didn't think the whole "being single" life through, did I? :P
Ok...now I am just sick. I cannot believe I gave up perfectly awesome sex to be single and wait for a nice guy. Shit.
My oldest would say, "damn, people be drinking hater-ade in abundance today"
And sex with your dad is like...hold up. I'll tweet you when I'm finished with him.
Oh Twitter, how did I ever think that I could have made it just fine without you?
Time to leave you, Twitter. I have a date with the hot nakedness in my bed. Yeah...I'm actually sleeping alone. With me. *sobs*
Coming home from work today, I got into a mean game of roadway chicken with a three-legged dog. RIP, tripod.
If I had a dollar for everytime I beat or attempted to beat someone with a golf club, I would be as wealthy as Mrs. Tiger Woods.
Anyone else have a child with adhd who eats you out of house and home? Related: I need my stripping job back.
Well, I thought maybe after the 10,000 tweet, bells and whistles would go off, or a secret link would pop up....but nothing.
Oh shit, guys. I just realized...now that I am single, I won't be getting laid. I think I just died a little inside.
Mama told me the freckles on my face are angel kisses. So....what about the freckles on my cleavage?
Remember, way back a few tweets ago when I said I was going to see how long I could go without sex? Your mom is a slore. I'm cracking.
I need a bra for my back boobs tonight.
Gnite, lovies. I'll be sleeping sitting up, due to this relentless heartburn and enlarged muffin top. Xoxo
Sex with your mom is like throwing a hot dog down a hallway. With warm mayo.
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