Twitter entertain me, do a trick.

When a woman is silent it means one of two things: she's upset or has a dick in her mouth.

You know what's awesome about feminism? Nothing.

Men are not hard to work with. Get naked. Give head. Supply beer & sandwich. #problemsolved

Sometimes the simplest phrase is also the most fucking terrifying: "I love you."

Unprepared, opportunity knocks. Prepared? Opportunity says fuck off.

Of all the people in the world the one I should say no to is the one I never will

I know girls who bitch about not having a man. Open a sandwich stand. #problemsolved

Glad I'm not the only girl among my followers who like it rough. Give me bruises any day.

Just because you're over 18 does not mean you're "mature"

Before I ever do anything I always have to check twitter, favstar, tumblr, blogs, etc. By the time i'm done that a year has passed.

You know how I set the bar? Hotwings, Beer, Baseball tickets, and Sex.

Happily Ever After has fucked up reality. Oh wait so has feminism.

'67 GT 500 Shelby makes me want to nut everywhere

Tweeting and driving is dangerous

Playing: "What kind of underwear?"

...I just realized something and I'm not sure how to react.

Actually if there really were zombies twitter would blow the fuck up

This whole not sleeping thing has got to stop

Mother fucker I know where you live