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I'm on my second wife. She's somebody else's wife,but I'm on her.
Life is too short to be on Twitter.
My next eighteen thousand tweets will attempt to discuss this in more depth.
Sorry you're breaking up. I can't hear you. Yes I know we're in the same room and not on the phone at all. No can't hear you. Sorry.
Did you kno?
The average tweeter spends two hundred billion years of their life waiting for their twitter page to fucking refresh.
Mata at Piccadilly station in full United kit with 8 on the back,busking and playing I am the resurrection on a Spanish guitar.
If you retweet this you will live forever.
Post more about how many followers you've gained and lost. These tweets are fascinating.
Why block people when you can call them a cunt?
It's not a real Twitter addiction until you'd prefer to chop your cock off than your thumb.
Making serious points on Twitter is like wearing a high visibility jacket in a home for the blind.
United have never,ever lost a premier league game at Old ,trafford when leading at half time.played 200.won 188.drawn 12.lost ZERO.
Come over here and hold this dartboard while me and my blind mate throw knives at it.
Don't blame Danny Welbeck for saying he dreamed of playing for somebody else.
I always dreamed he'd play for somebody else as well.
Did you know? If you put a fifty pence piece in the microwave for exactly 78 seconds,then you are a cunt.
Always put spiders in your mouth before you go to the dentist.
It makes him jump backwards and knock all his equipment over.
Manchester United have regained the title in the season following the last FOUR world cups.
Just a thought that hit me.
Holy fuck I've only got 22 seconds to live. Oh wait,I was looking at the microwave.
Obertan,Obertan does whatever a spider can.
Runs around,does fuck all.
When it rains he curls up in a ball. Look out.
Obertan is a mong.
I Find Ways.
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