"@xstrology: #Gemini represents all things good and evil." Lol really like this one!!!

Keep calm, You're meant to be something great."

"@shanethevein: There's no business like mind your own business." Read this one ppl!!!

Just came from the doctor. Got high score on the blood pressure machine. Doctor wouldn't high five me. Dick"

I loved you yesterday, I love you today and I will love you for all my tomorrows. <3"

I feel pretty confident that whoever steals my idenity will inevitably improve my credit score."

"When one door closes, another door opens." I knew I shouldn't have wasted money on this car."

"@hilarious_dude: A real relationship consists of: communication, great sex, loyality and honesty."

"@xstrology: Don't play mind games with a #Gemini. the twins will double team you every time." Ha ha ha ha yep!

"@naughtyturnons: Sex is the best workout. If you're looking to burn more calories faster, have more sex."

"@thesedamnquote: If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you will find an excuse."

"@doctor_dementia: Your mum must have had sex with a hedgehog to give birth to a prick like you."

"@oinkimmapig: The looooooooongrer their explaination... the BIGGER the lie"

"@factsofschool: You have 3 choices in life. 1) Watch things happen. 2) Make things happen. Or 3) Wonder what the hell happened."

"@autocorrects: Listen, if you don't like the way im driving then get the hell off the sidewalk!"

Some people don’t understand how blessed they truly are. Be thankful for what you have rather than focusing on what you don’t have"

"@notebook: Real love is knowing someone's weaknesses and not taking advantage of them. Knowing their flaws & accepting who they are."

"@funnyortruth: A software engineer falling from the roof of a building & shouting F1 F1 F1 instead of help help help."

"@omgsopatrick: I hate that feeling when you close your eyes to apply shampoo, and get paranoid that someone might kill you in the shower."

"@comedyposts: Need an ark? I Noah a guy."