But soft, what light from yonder window breaks? It is the East, and I can see Russia from my front porch. #bardofwasilla #shakespalin

@sportstalksc Fun fact: Connor Shaw is tied with Demetris Summers for career rushing yards.

@mmfa ABC: "What we thought were talking points turned out to be toast points. We regret the error. "

CNN can't confirm the plane crash video is real, so they are running it

@blarebare "And now, prepare to meet the force of this fully operational 'Battle Station.' Your friends can't help you now."

Instead of making you interpret illegible symbols, CAPTCHA should just tell robots "Please Report to the Dance Floor." Problem solved.

Sonny and Chair #InsertChair 

@genehunter1 well it's not the end of the line. What bugs me is paul McCartney's two prepositions in a clause." World in which we live in"

“@kevnasto “@datbarbercancut I wonder if snakes try to scare other snakes with rubber humans.””

@blarebare Try and love again

Everybody follow @pope_francis_l he will teach you how to make money working from home

I swear I just heard matt ryan audible "corey miller."

@jedimasterbator What about the camp slasher movies where sex = violent death? And Disney = wishing mother were dead and father is absent.

@jedimasterbator I can't recommend Jurassic Park enough for those who have small, tasty children, or lawyers in their family.

I think RNC should be given a prize, for finding the only black woman in all of Utah.

Somebody is saying very bad rumors about me. So you don't need to tell me.

Arab spring, fall forward

The wave is like a streaker, don't encourage by showing on tv.

If Kevin Spacey does a Siri commercial, that does it.

Breaking news: One of the entrants in the Kentucky Derby was really Rick Pitino and another guy in a horse costume