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If you get offended by strangers tweeting offensive things, good luck with life you over-sensitive cunts.
Apparently the ladies don't like it when you make the throat slash gesture while staring at them across the bar.
If I'm driving and see you on a bike, there is a 100% chance I'm thinking about running you over.
Not to play the semantics game, but shouldn't "Planned Parenthood" be called "UNPlanned Parenthood"?
I always ask "How did I do?" after sex. If the answer isn't "great", I scream "What are you, my dad?! I get it, I'm a disappointment!"
When a girl says things are moving too fast, I'm always thankful I stock up on duct tape.
So apparently you don't need Match or eHarmony. You just need to find like minded assholes on Twitter.
When my gf asked me what I wanted for VD, I said "for you to be tighter". Related, anyone have a couch for me to crash on?
Everyone here is of legal age, right? Cool. My probation officer just wanted me to check.
The only part of sex I don't like is when she wakes up. Because her snores muffle my sobbing.
Hey, chicks who wear "Axe for Women", please don't ever touch me or my family.
Why didn't you identify me in the police lineup? I thought we had a connection?
I already thought she was slutty, but when the baby inside her started sucking me off, I knew for sure.
I'm honestly sad I need to stop this. You are seriously some of the best people I know. For as awful as we all are, we get one another.
My dream home involves two toilets next to each other do we can shit and hold hands.
I hate when a girl says, "You're hurting me!". No shit, I've done this to girls before.
If you're wondering where my heart is, it's in my cock. So touch my heart and I'll always love you.
it's about to get real, brace yourself
