#ThingsThatEnrageRepublicans My dad taking his U.S Citizen test in Spanish & then voting for #Obama

Are the people occupying Wall Street the same people that won't occupy the jobs that illegal immigrants do everyday?

Dr.Seuss and the doctor who issued me my marijuana medicinal card did more for me than Dr.Phil or Dr.Drew ever did .

Famed Hair Stylist Vidal Sassoon Has Died today is it too Sassoon for jokes?

The best tweeters are the least funny on stage.#fact

Shot out to all the Chick Fil A employees who saw that big ass line on the way to work and called in sick.

At the Build A Bear in Mexico you can stuff the bear with candy.

Are you afraid of having a room full of Mexicans and ten hipsters? @cobbscomedyclub @comedymagicclub

Flying out to San Jose tonight for my wkend at @improvsanjose . @marcellacomedy and Larry "Bubbles" Brown opening. Good times ahead!

Its hard to imagine that on that same field babies were being made during Hurricane Katrina. #superbowl

#ReplaceMovieTitleWithCheese " Cheese Not That Into You"

Olive Garden when you're here you're Mexican.

One retweet on Twitter is worth 50 likes on Facebook.

If you went to community college you probably dropped a class because you couldn't find parking.

You're mom is so old CBS gave her own show.

I thought make up sex was when you say oops sorry then you put it in the right hole.

Countdown to Ray Lewis crying starts right now. #superbowl

I almost done with my ginger bread housing projects I just need more despair and broken dreams.

Has anyone asked a kid what he thinks about the banned on toys in kid's meals?

I remember when the miners were still down there.