"I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious." -Albert Einstein, a #Pisces

3 things that make people happy: listening to music, exercising & sex.

I do those alone a lot.

When you walk into a room of crazy people, realize you are one of them

In the morning I like to lie in bed. You can't trust me then.

Fear "Send All" & tweeting all 63 of my drafts

@comedyrapbattle is going down 9:30 tonight @improvcomedyla! Thanks to @chris_please @jeremyscippio @jamarneighbors @samtripoli

DAMN! @rickshapirotv @joshadammeyers @arianadams @andyruther @legendary @thecomedystore Belly Room 10pm 2NIGHT:tix @laughstub

No Survivors #BadRealityShowNames

I pop the collar on my fucking pajamas

exHiGHted for #HiGHLARiOUS FRi @thecomedystore w/@fixyourlife @vickypezza @brockwilbur @hasanminhaj @jaymontepare @theovon!

Enough with the Pit Bulls already!

#MarchComedyMADNESS has more merrymakers @keithtellsjokes @amaya_teresa @mattritter1 @mikecitera. Who's comin @gmbluesncomedy 9pm?!

Have a good time. It's much better than the alternative.

#420 Happy 4/20 FRiDAY 10pm HiGHLARiOUS @thecomedystore w/ @danmadonia @thebobbieoliver @dinahleffert @weedmaps @stoner_stuff

Today Facebook really expanded my milf list

I'm gonna be really really funny tonight.

Rockin the mic @flapperscomedy tonight! #yoohooroom 9:30

Spring into #MarchComedyMadness tonight w/@juliaprescott @megswertlow @jeremiahstandup @eliotchang @rickshapirotv @gmbluesncomedy!

Muscle in #marchcomedymadness mix: @jmscomedy @mattisfunny @margiemintz @ryanclauson @fixyourlife @cicero3rd 2night @salscomedyhole 8pm

@tonyhinchcliffe is the latest champ! He #crushed/#robbed @teddyraycomedy @comedyrapbattle tonight