Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I have so much paperwork to do that the only reasonable option seems to be to just burn the office down.
TEAM = Together Everyone Annoys Me
If a girl rolls her eyes at something I said, I just assume she’s having an orgasm.
Quit talking about how crappy Monday is for you at work. Everyday at work sucks just as much.
I got a free hypnosis session today by watching a 210 slide PowerPoint presentation.
If absence makes the heart grow fonder, the new boss is going to *love* my new two-day work weeks.
Bin Laden died and was greeted by 72 Catholic priests.
A conservative friend called me a socialist. I asked him the definition of a socialist & he couldn’t tell me, so I called him a dumbass.
During job interviews, when they ask, "What is your worst quality?", I always say, "Flatulence." That way you get your own office.
You know you can't spell families without lies.
Somebody kidnapped my motivation today.
My 12 Step Program contains only one step.
1. Stay in denial
Bashing someone’s creativity doesn’t make you an insightful critic. It makes you full of shit.
After 10 Dos Equis beers, I think I'm the most interesting man in the world.
Ever notice how some people will never interact with you here? I always wondered what it’s like to be trapped in a cocoon of narcissism.
It's comforting to think that every person on this planet had to be potty trained.
Did Shit My Dad Says run out of shit?
There’s a fine line between being cocky and being a dick.
Everything that sucks eventually ends, like this year.
By a show of broken hopes and dreams, whose trapped in a Friday afternoon meeting?
I'm a fake BS principle on everything in life. I live in my head. I like card tricks. For entertainment purposes only.