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  • funnyguy
      Norm @funnyguy

    Gift @funnyguy Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 294
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    ImprobableEddiejonslowcrazylikeanoxBazarComedyGreeblehausMaui_SpeaksGavsonNZ__kingamir
    • 79
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    BazarComedyattheUCfilthybeggar1tech_piratelisaloobylooloovoirdire58SuMacDanBottleOfDeath
  • funnyguy
      Norm @funnyguy

    TEAM = Together Everyone Annoys Me

    • 181
    • LIKES
    jonslowBazarComedyGreeblehausbu77onyaygrrmeistermoodschwing__SideBurnywarhorse76
    • 50
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    jonslowBazarComedymoodschwing__jenniferginerpdoloresanus____ScreaminZeman____BigDHoneyBee______AlDenteGuida
    MadAxes
  • funnyguy
      Norm @funnyguy

    If a girl rolls her eyes at something I said, I just assume she’s having an orgasm.

    • 322
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    ImprobableEddieTayWitsBazarComedyaclevergirlechostweetsKirstensDeskgneiccobu77on
    • 48
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    VirgoSherryEmoSobbyPyrBliss
  • funnyguy
      Norm @funnyguy

    Quit talking about how crappy Monday is for you at work. Everyday at work sucks just as much.

    • 43
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    Caroline_Hno1singazongItsBeeYouTeeFulhernameismud______MikeSchismCroweJamRachelJ833arkhmommy
    • 39
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    M_TururuJomMarn3963Andie_DavidsonEdmondDantes82GraydonULeoFantasiaanne_hedoniasliceoflife4u
  • funnyguy
      Norm @funnyguy

    If absence makes the heart grow fonder, the new boss is going to *love* my new two-day work weeks.

    • 585
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    Maui_SpeaksBazarComedygeorgiaabarnesJack_Herererer__bu77onGavsonNZ__kingamirVirgoSherry
    • 38
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    GetbentLAlllvvvzzz________
  • funnyguy
      Norm @funnyguy

    During job interviews, when they ask, "What is your worst quality?", I always say, "Flatulence." That way you get your own office.

    • 382
    • LIKES
    ImprobableEddiejonslowSha_shan_kmxntrxxl__LittleJimmy61BazarComedygeorgiaabarnesbu77on
    • 36
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    BazarComedy
  • funnyguy
      Norm @funnyguy

    I got a free hypnosis session today by watching a 210 slide PowerPoint presentation.

    • 62
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    BazarComedyChristiansenLclllvvvzzzKarmaKameebcolditzseeing_voicesabzvillebubblysqueaks____
    • 35
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  • funnyguy
      Norm @funnyguy

    You know you can't spell families without lies.

    • 444
    • LIKES
    ImprobableEddienoxantesjonslowBovineNevermindFeetarenotfooddru0887BazarComedyRL7007
    • 35
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    Jack_Herererer__
  • funnyguy
      Norm @funnyguy

    Bin Laden died and was greeted by 72 Catholic priests.

    • 57
    • LIKES
    HerPinkRibbonsCanadiaDeSangreretweetingfoolSuMacDanComedianKristiRelocatable12inch_vertical__StatusInBeirut
    • 29
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  • funnyguy
    • 35
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    SuMacDanParysekJoetheorockwell10_oAnonO_oUncleMarkCMrTFPrimeAdamSalinasSrSwishergirl24
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    theorockwell1MrTFPrimesixxxgoddessAdamSalinasSrJamieEvancho33BigLouBrunojacobkibblesDecaturRaymond
  • funnyguy
      Norm @funnyguy

    A conservative friend called me a socialist. I asked him the definition of a socialist & he couldn’t tell me, so I called him a dumbass.

    • 30
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    GarreTheFerretllvvzzFreddy_SiroccoBrattyBarbie__XalqeeTheCrazyMommaSuMacDanKarenZachary
    • 28
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    FancyCookinMofo
  • funnyguy
      Norm @funnyguy

    My 12 Step Program contains only one step.

    1. Stay in denial

    • 308
    • LIKES
    ImprobableEddiejonslowBazarComedyMaui_Speaksbu77onattheUCsanthonythomasThe_Mentalyst
    • 28
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    jonslowBazarComedyattheUCBottleOfDeathEhabFffffNeutrontrilogyFavstar250GeneralGrevious
  • funnyguy
      Norm @funnyguy

    Somebody kidnapped my motivation today.

    • 50
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    buck4ittSuMacDanCrowetoonsllvvzzzthis503girl______TheLastVirgoCh8rminggreggified________
    • 25
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    Favstar500Favs__DonjayemanPakinam_WalidJoyner19fmorgan2k9Carla_11_20MayarAbdelGhanySohaylaKhaled
  • funnyguy
      Norm @funnyguy

    Bashing someone’s creativity doesn’t make you an insightful critic. It makes you full of shit.

    • 66
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    SnarkyLemurBazarComedythereverendcinkheidics__GetbentLAdietredbullQuipQueen36KatarinaKriz
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  • funnyguy
      Norm @funnyguy

    After 10 Dos Equis beers, I think I'm the most interesting man in the world.

    • 310
    • LIKES
    ImprobableEddieBazarComedyGreeblehausEmilyEmber_attheUCThe_MentalystJumpingJesusHMsGreenGoddess
    • 23
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    Roadfilm__________
  • funnyguy
      Norm @funnyguy

    It's comforting to think that every person on this planet had to be potty trained.

    • 460
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    jonslowBazarComedygeorgiaabarnesJack_Herererer__Maui_Speaksbu77onGavsonNZ__kingamir
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    BazarComedyacycoattheUClllvvvzzzSternoShotsTorriableHeroineAddictMaxine12333
  • funnyguy
      Norm @funnyguy

    There’s a fine line between being cocky and being a dick.

    • 109
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  • funnyguy
      Norm @funnyguy

    Ever notice how some people will never interact with you here? I always wondered what it’s like to be trapped in a cocoon of narcissism.

    • 59
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  • funnyguy
      Norm @funnyguy

    I'm tired of my wife's crap. "Fold the laundry!" "Take out the garbage!" "Please, please don't light the cat on fire" ....Nag, nag, nag.

    • 262
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    BazarComedytuerscheFondueHerzbu77onVirgoSherryEmilyEmber_attheUCSissiSay
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    FlyoverJoel
  • funnyguy
      Norm @funnyguy

    Did Shit My Dad Says run out of shit?

    • 61
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    LavenderpantsFussySaffaAndrewNabbasMistookMistakeflipthechickenSlickWhambone__vladchocPeachyisk
    • 18
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    BoazAlmighty
@funnyguy

@funnyguy

I'm a fake BS principle on everything in life. I live in my head. I like card tricks. For entertainment purposes only.

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