If your super hero power was finding people to resuscitate and performing CPR, you'd never need to work out 'cause that shit's hard to do!

@perronbrothers I cult have told you that!

Reason #5 why I'm glad I had a c-section: I put on my son's bike helmet today & it fit perfectly with no adjustments. He's 8. #biggianthead

@perronbrothers I'm pretty sure there's an ointment for that. We have fish flavored if you need to borrow.

@perronbrothers Two words: Global warming.

@perronbrothers Napolean Dynomite was in that movie, and he is from Salem. Do I have to spell this out for you?

@perronbrothers Thanks! Much better welcome than the hazing and torture I was expecting.

As the U.S. appears prime for yet another war, I just spent an hour cutting out Box Tops for Education to raise $7.50 for my son's school.