I hope being weird my whole life pays off eventually.

My hubby wants something light for dinner. So, I'm serving him mac and cheese and a slap in the face.

Nephew: My new girlfriend thinks I'm handsome.

Me: Oh yeah, and what does her guide dog think?

I'm not anti-social. I'm broke.

It's always important to have a level of hunger and fear. If you think you're brilliant, you might as well be dead.

Sometimes it's a little extra nice when people notice your absence instead of just acknowledging your presence.

I'm going to have to go back on a diet again. I tried on a skirt today that I bought 5 years ago. It fits perfectly, if I wear it as a hat.

The biggest mistake a person can make in life is to avoid all chance of ever making one.

I don't cook for hubby. I just defrost things from my first marriage.

It's time for a serious tweet from me...

Suck my tits.


Seriously!!

Don't talk to me unless it's about sex or bacon.

Actually, fuck you! Don't talk to me at all. Just give me sex, and bacon!

I don't like to be limited by others. I don't like the word "can't". I think anything is possible.

Hey girls, your boob job really brings out the desperate whore in your eyes.

What does a relationship have to do with your cock in my beautiful mouth?

Some of you make me seem normal. That should worry you.

You have the right to express you're opinion. But I have the right to think you're an asshole.

I wish people who unfollowed me would let me know what tweet exactly made them unfollow, you know, for kicks and shit.

Eyes trust themselves, ears trust others.

I'm not beautiful but I have learnt how to make the most of the body I was born with.

I once sucked a cock so small it got suck between my teeth.