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  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    STOP YELLING INTO YOUR CELLPHONE AND HOLDING IT LIKE A WALKIE-TALKIE. YOU'RE ON A BUS; NOT IN A WAR-ZONE.

    Also, it works just like a phone.

    • 492
    • FAVS
    DSLikesIttoyotaman1988asterikonitAnathemaJaneKiannaThoughtsfontfightercampbellb_JaySaysStuff
    • 233
    • RETWEETS
    Kontor1710ApexToApexJaySaysStuffGanderGinGinGanderleahrosegregorySofiaBlueStarFlabbergail
    WhosTheresa
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    I want to unfollow and block someone in real life. Is that still called "punching them in the face?"

    • 212
    • FAVS
    Bridgeman_BooksriotersblocSammyJB121meaganyvette0kenica2610Mykkah_Stormbioamybherodfel
    • 76
    • RETWEETS
    GinGanderGanderGinoye_bubbly_IamCYAaaAnuRiikka1herodfelGingerGanderStacyA600
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Someone on Twitter who tweets only in Spanish starred one of my tweets. Gracias. But, no comprende.

    • 229
    • FAVS
    GingerGandercarrietinimelliewagsaimlessamersStacyA6005dogstexas__iCE_CREAM__NotYourSoulmate
    • 57
    • RETWEETS
    aimlessamersshesananteaterHow_HardyRyseRiceColerabbithole423NIKKIDIAMONDS80CallMeDrapergaynorlsimpson
    bourbonmelikey
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Gonna go home, make a turkey sandwich and ponder why not a single person on the bus thanked me for not murdering every last one of them.

    • 190
    • FAVS
    StacyA600__iCE_CREAM__NotYourSoulmatepsychogoddesssnickuousshesananteater_theigirlrabbithole423
    • 48
    • RETWEETS
    Filthypigeon80StacyA600NotYourSoulmaterabbithole423BIgDaddyJ3CallMeDraperjenyb4_keels_
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Advice my dad gave my vegetarian girlfriend tonight: "You should probably eat a steak once in a while, just to shock your system."

    • 183
    • FAVS
    StacyA6005dogstexasTRBLmakerJBSNotYourSoulmatepsychogoddesssnickuousshesananteater_theigirl
    • 42
    • RETWEETS
    TRBLmakerJBSNotYourSoulmate_theigirlminnie_in_pink7RyseRiceColerabbithole423CallMeDrapergaynorlsimpson
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Screw YOU, Words With Friends; "nookie" is a perfectly cromulent word.

    • 166
    • FAVS
    FarFlungFemaleaimlessamersStacyA600psychogoddessshesananteaterRyseRiceColerabbithole423soccerskiingmom
    • 41
    • RETWEETS
    aimlessamersRyseRiceColerabbithole423jenyb4_keels_gaynorlsimpsonSunnySideUp1987stacywawa1
    WhosTheresa
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    A friend told me that blind people can get seeing-eye PONIES.

    HOW DOES EVERY BLIND PERSON NOT HAVE A SEEING-EYE PONY??

    • 144
    • FAVS
    StacyA600__iCE_CREAM__psychogoddesscookiebetch420dzennonvioletfemme89_theigirlRyseRiceCole
    • 45
    • RETWEETS
    StacyA600TheirneyFallsvioletfemme89BlondAmbitionTO_theigirlRyseRiceColelyndsey_hatchrabbithole423
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    I'm not sure what's more rad: the fact that everything I own is covered in cat hair, or that my coat smells like burritos.

    • 153
    • FAVS
    StacyA600psychogoddessshesananteaterFSUSteve_theigirllatte_dramarabbithole423beezus_2
    • 34
    • RETWEETS
    _theigirllatte_dramarabbithole423sanityinabottlejenyb4_keels_SunnySideUp1987asanders1972
    GeneralEmmaLee
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    I hate people who willfully opt to NOT use the revolving door. WHY DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR THE REVOLVING DOOR!?

    • 144
    • FAVS
    carrietiniStacyA600psychogoddessshesananteaterRyseRiceColeMatty_Glanvillerabbithole423beezus_2
    • 37
    • RETWEETS
    StacyA600RyseRiceColeMatty_Glanvillerabbithole423sortealSunnySideUp1987Qckhdstacywawa1
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    I'm really tired of pretending I like everyone on Facebook.

    • 139
    • FAVS
    carrietiniStarscreams77StacyA600psychogoddessshesananteater_theigirlrabbithole423Cassiecoll
    • 35
    • RETWEETS
    Starscreams77StacyA600rabbithole423soccerskiingmomLolaVelvetKisssanityinabottleCallMeDraperfeckitalltohell
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    I'm an adult, and I'll eat pistachios for dinner if I want to.

    Yes, JUST pistachios. And maybe whiskey.

    • 135
    • FAVS
    carrietinipsychogoddessBlondAmbitionTOshesananteater_theigirlPentoRusBrianIncognitoWorstUFOHunter
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    WebbPaganfingercaseytduncanRyseRiceColerabbithole423jenyb4_keels_asanders1972stacywawa1
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Man, I really want to star my own tweets.

    THESE ARE GOOD TWEETS, PEOPLE. FREE TO ALL!

    • 109
    • FAVS
    carrietiniNotYourSoulmatepsychogoddessBlondAmbitionTOshesananteaterFSUSteveMEQ_777_theigirl
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    NotYourSoulmate_theigirlrabbithole423sanityinabottleFortuitousPenSassyMcMelonsmatthewbrobbinsAgent_McDrinky____
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    That moment when you're holding the remote for your car keys, pushing the button...and expecting the front door of your house to unlock.

    • 109
    • FAVS
    carrietini5dogstexas__iCE_CREAM__psychogoddessshesananteaterkriss0625rabbithole423soccerskiingmom
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    rabbithole423FortuitousPenJen_Up_____Phoebetate__GimpySunshine____Favstar500Favsrick335kneeeecolahh
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Ticketmaster is having technical difficulties; Red Hot Chili Peppers tickets are not available online. Tens of fans are super-sad right now.

    • 104
    • FAVS
    psychogoddessshesananteater_theigirlFeenohmenalminnie_in_pink7rabbithole423chrismerrillbeezus_2
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    rabbithole423beezus_2BlondAmbitionTOFortuitousPenreddishunicornFavstar500FavsshrexxNeffexx2Tuna_Lover
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    I should go back to the beginning of my timeline & start tweeting all the old tweets again. You weren't really paying attention back then...

    • 60
    • FAVS
    OtisPdQbluredfranksnickuous5dogstexas__iCE_CREAM__dearestarthuryup_this_sucksBarrDaly
    • 31
    • RETWEETS
    snickuouscarrietini__iCE_CREAM__dearestarthurDownBytheBayLeeyup_this_suckspsychogoddessTattleTSister
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Someone on Facebook just said "Bud Light Platinum. Not bad..." which is the basically the same thing as saying "Suck it, Charles Darwin!"

    • 76
    • FAVS
    carrietini__iCE_CREAM__psychogoddessshesananteater_theigirlrabbithole423soccerskiingmomMsMielAbeille
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    _theigirlrabbithole423vivalamoi448stacywawa1SupraNebula______Favstar500Favsuunnddeeaadd______meagomyeggo
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Advice I just gave a friend: "Burn the house down, dye your hair, start a new life in a new place."

    • 62
    • FAVS
    psychogoddessshesananteater_theigirlFeenohmenalRyseRiceColerabbithole423uberpakibeezus_2
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    FeenohmenalRyseRiceColerabbithole423beezus_2GamingAngelAshFortuitousPenthistletat13speknyc
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Facebook sent me an email...to tell me about how Facebook will be sending me less email. #FacebookFAIL

    • 81
    • FAVS
    psychogoddessshesananteaterMsMielAbeillevivalamoi448BlondAmbitionTOstacywawa1thistletat13concretesledge_
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsAlyssa_Jolie__ultracruz6cilliLove_Gunn________
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    My epitaph will read: "Was Generally Unenthused."

    • 60
    • FAVS
    carrietinipsychogoddessBlondAmbitionTOshesananteaterCapeTownBlondeJM4NN13_theigirlrabbithole423
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    puttycatDanceObsessed93MeekVillain_theigirlrabbithole423FortuitousPenstacywawa1Phoebetate__
    _theigirl
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    I could really go for some cupcakes and murder. Not necessarily in that order.

    • 56
    • FAVS
    carrietiniKatiCutFortuitousPenpsychogoddessBlondAmbitionTOshesananteaterrabbithole423beezus_2
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    FortuitousPenrabbithole423MsMielAbeilleWhiteTrashGentNicholey23vivalamoi448KittyShittyyspeknyc
@g4barry

@g4barry

Tall, blonde, bitter & jaded. Used to be thirty-something. Way better at social networking than your mom. Not as good at Candy Crush, though...