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  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    STOP YELLING INTO YOUR CELLPHONE AND HOLDING IT LIKE A WALKIE-TALKIE. YOU'RE ON A BUS; NOT IN A WAR-ZONE.

    Also, it works just like a phone.

    • 510
    • FAVS
    Vice_QueensheilalastnameMaxwellSnarkJoey_Ruinssidraayub143Lokaykenseysmomjg8123
    • 239
    • RETWEETS
    sheilalastnamesidraayub143Lokaymattmccall82OneFunnyMummyMarianneACOTAKontor1710ApexToApex
    WhosTheresa
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    I want to unfollow and block someone in real life. Is that still called "punching them in the face?"

    • 216
    • FAVS
    Vice_QueensheilalastnameMarianneACOTAislandofapplesBridgeman_BooksriotersblocSammyJB121meaganyvette0
    • 78
    • RETWEETS
    sheilalastnameMarianneACOTAGinGanderGanderGinoye_bubbly_IamCYAaaAnuRiikka1herodfel
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Someone on Twitter who tweets only in Spanish starred one of my tweets. Gracias. But, no comprende.

    • 235
    • FAVS
    Vice_QueensheilalastnameMissKerr87OneFunnyMummyislandofapplesall_about_todayGingerGandercarrietini
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    sheilalastnameaimlessamersshesananteaterHow_HardyRyseRiceColerabbithole423NIKKIDIAMONDS80CallMeDraper
    bourbonmelikey
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Gonna go home, make a turkey sandwich and ponder why not a single person on the bus thanked me for not murdering every last one of them.

    • 193
    • FAVS
    Mind_fukksheilalastnameislandofapplesStacyA600__iCE_CREAM__NotYourSoulmatepsychogoddesssnickuous
    • 50
    • RETWEETS
    Mind_fukksheilalastnameFilthypigeon80StacyA600NotYourSoulmaterabbithole423BIgDaddyJ3CallMeDraper
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Advice my dad gave my vegetarian girlfriend tonight: "You should probably eat a steak once in a while, just to shock your system."

    • 187
    • FAVS
    Vice_QueenMoonHealingsheilalastnameislandofapplesStacyA6005dogstexasTRBLmakerJBSNotYourSoulmate
    • 43
    • RETWEETS
    sheilalastnameTRBLmakerJBSNotYourSoulmate_theigirlminnie_in_pink7RyseRiceColerabbithole423CallMeDraper
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Screw YOU, Words With Friends; "nookie" is a perfectly cromulent word.

    • 174
    • FAVS
    MoonHealingdaniel_shawBrianIncognitosheilalastnameaveuaskewOneFunnyMummyCalhounMBMarianneACOTA
    • 43
    • RETWEETS
    sheilalastnameMarianneACOTAaimlessamersRyseRiceColerabbithole423jenyb4_keels_gaynorlsimpson
    WhosTheresa
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    I'm not sure what's more rad: the fact that everything I own is covered in cat hair, or that my coat smells like burritos.

    • 166
    • FAVS
    MoonHealingBrianIncognitosheilalastnameonelongbenderLonelyJackalopeaveuaskewManbeast316haltwirklich
    • 40
    • RETWEETS
    sheilalastnameaveuaskewabhorrent_wifeOneFunnyMummyislandofapplesall_about_today_theigirllatte_drama
    GeneralEmmaLee
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    A friend told me that blind people can get seeing-eye PONIES.

    HOW DOES EVERY BLIND PERSON NOT HAVE A SEEING-EYE PONY??

    • 151
    • FAVS
    Vice_QueenrandomlawlesssheilalastnameaveuaskewCalhounMBTheRealBoiledEGMarianneACOTAStacyA600
    • 48
    • RETWEETS
    randomlawlesssheilalastnameMarianneACOTAStacyA600TheirneyFallsvioletfemme89BlondAmbitionTO_theigirl
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    I hate people who willfully opt to NOT use the revolving door. WHY DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR THE REVOLVING DOOR!?

    • 146
    • FAVS
    Vice_QueensheilalastnamecarrietiniStacyA600psychogoddessshesananteaterRyseRiceColeMatty_Glanville
    • 38
    • RETWEETS
    sheilalastnameStacyA600RyseRiceColeMatty_Glanvillerabbithole423sortealSunnySideUp1987Qckhd
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    I'm really tired of pretending I like everyone on Facebook.

    • 142
    • FAVS
    Vice_QueenDBwiddaDBsheilalastnamecarrietiniStarscreams77StacyA600psychogoddessshesananteater
    • 37
    • RETWEETS
    jesskgosheilalastnameStarscreams77StacyA600rabbithole423soccerskiingmomLolaVelvetKisssanityinabottle
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    I'm an adult, and I'll eat pistachios for dinner if I want to.

    Yes, JUST pistachios. And maybe whiskey.

    • 142
    • FAVS
    Vice_QueenYayGrrMySterDBwiddaDBOtisPdQsnickuoussheilalastnameislandofapplescarrietini
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    snickuoussheilalastnameWebbPaganfingercaseytduncanRyseRiceColerabbithole423jenyb4_keels_
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Man, I really want to star my own tweets.

    THESE ARE GOOD TWEETS, PEOPLE. FREE TO ALL!

    • 112
    • FAVS
    DBwiddaDBsheilalastnameislandofapplescarrietiniNotYourSoulmatepsychogoddessBlondAmbitionTOshesananteater
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    sheilalastnameislandofapplesNotYourSoulmate_theigirlrabbithole423sanityinabottleFortuitousPenSassy_Melons
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Ticketmaster is having technical difficulties; Red Hot Chili Peppers tickets are not available online. Tens of fans are super-sad right now.

    • 110
    • FAVS
    DBwiddaDBsheilalastnameCalhounMBTheRealBoiledEGMarianneACOTAislandofapplespsychogoddessshesananteater
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    sheilalastnameMarianneACOTArabbithole423beezus_2BlondAmbitionTOFortuitousPenreddishunicornFavstar500Favs
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    That moment when you're holding the remote for your car keys, pushing the button...and expecting the front door of your house to unlock.

    • 113
    • FAVS
    DBwiddaDBsheilalastnameTheRealBoiledEGMarianneACOTAcarrietini5dogstexas__iCE_CREAM__psychogoddess
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    sheilalastnamerabbithole423FortuitousPenJen_Up_____Phoebetate__GimpySunshine____Favstar500Favsrick335
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    My epitaph will read: "Was Generally Unenthused."

    • 68
    • FAVS
    Vice_Queenninjadinosaur1sheilalastnamethe_anastasiasnickuousOneFunnyMummyRSF788all_about_today
    • 30
    • RETWEETS
    Vice_QueensheilalastnamesnickuousOneFunnyMummyRSF788all_about_todayputtycatDanceObsessed93
    _theigirl
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    I should go back to the beginning of my timeline & start tweeting all the old tweets again. You weren't really paying attention back then...

    • 62
    • FAVS
    sheilalastnameislandofapplesOtisPdQbluredfranksnickuous5dogstexas__iCE_CREAM__dearestarthur
    • 33
    • RETWEETS
    sheilalastnameislandofapplessnickuouscarrietini__iCE_CREAM__dearestarthurDownBytheBayLeeThe1WhosCrazy
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Facebook sent me an email...to tell me about how Facebook will be sending me less email. #FacebookFAIL

    • 88
    • FAVS
    Vice_QueenDBwiddaDBninjadinosaur1Liam_Smith1990sheilalastnameMissKerr87islandofapplespsychogoddess
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    MirandaAltonsheilalastnameFavstar500FavsAlyssa_Jolie__ultracruz6cilliLove_Gunn________
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Someone on Facebook just said "Bud Light Platinum. Not bad..." which is the basically the same thing as saying "Suck it, Charles Darwin!"

    • 77
    • FAVS
    sheilalastnamecarrietini__iCE_CREAM__psychogoddessshesananteater_theigirlrabbithole423soccerskiingmom
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    sheilalastname_theigirlrabbithole423vivalamoi448stacywawa1SupraNebula______Favstar500Favsuunnddeeaadd______
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Advice I just gave a friend: "Burn the house down, dye your hair, start a new life in a new place."

    • 66
    • FAVS
    MirandaAltonLiam_Smith1990sheilalastnameMissKerr87psychogoddessshesananteater_theigirlFeenohmenal
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    MirandaAltonsheilalastnameFeenohmenalRyseRiceColerabbithole423beezus_2GamingAngelAshFortuitousPen
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    I could really go for some cupcakes and murder. Not necessarily in that order.

    • 59
    • FAVS
    sheilalastnameVice_QueenMissKerr87carrietiniKatiCutFortuitousPenpsychogoddessBlondAmbitionTO
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    sheilalastnameMissKerr87FortuitousPenrabbithole423MsMielAbeilleWhiteTrashGentNicholey23vivalamoi448
@g4barry

@g4barry

Tall, blonde, bitter & jaded. Used to be thirty-something. Way better at social networking than your mom. Not as good at Candy Crush, though...