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  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    STOP YELLING INTO YOUR CELLPHONE AND HOLDING IT LIKE A WALKIE-TALKIE. YOU'RE ON A BUS; NOT IN A WAR-ZONE.

    Also, it works just like a phone.

    • 560
    • FAVS
    hpb777MmeLaCroozwicce_podgeHeyJennyLeonePurldturtledumplinlil_dead_girl_SerialFuckup
    • 260
    • RETWEETS
    AnonymousInZADjBigRichFTWhpb777lil_dead_girl_Corsario_NegrocraiguitoJessicaMDowningfuzzlime
    WhosTheresa
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    I want to unfollow and block someone in real life. Is that still called "punching them in the face?"

    • 237
    • FAVS
    hpb777MmeLaCroozwicce_podgeDanKCharnleyfuzzlimeDearAbbySimonKi_DinImportKT
    • 86
    • RETWEETS
    ashleynchldrfarkkendImportKTJazzzzzminaStillMadMomALadiesHeartJjkinky49JeffOutOnTheMoors
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Someone on Twitter who tweets only in Spanish starred one of my tweets. Gracias. But, no comprende.

    • 249
    • FAVS
    hpb777wicce_podgeSerialFuckupDanKCharnleyfuzzlimeDearAbbySimonRobbi123McInappropriate
    • 60
    • RETWEETS
    Jjkinky49JeffOutOnTheMoorssheilalastnameaimlessamersshesananteaterHow_HardyRyseRiceColerabbithole423
    bourbonmelikey
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Gonna go home, make a turkey sandwich and ponder why not a single person on the bus thanked me for not murdering every last one of them.

    • 211
    • FAVS
    hpb777wicce_podgeSerialFuckupDanKCharnleyfuzzlimeDearAbbySimon786Sakshi123Jazzzzzmina
    • 54
    • RETWEETS
    JazzzzzminaStillMadMomJjkinky49JeffOutOnTheMoorsMind_fukksheilalastnameFilthypigeon80StacyA600
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Screw YOU, Words With Friends; "nookie" is a perfectly cromulent word.

    • 199
    • FAVS
    TweetsByTheTonyhpb777wicce_podgeSusannaKLeonardJyllBrumabhorrent_wifepurplebylinenorthstar601
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    hpb777JyllBrumpurplebylineJazzzzzminaALadiesHeartJjkinky49JeffOrWasItOutOnTheMoors
    WhosTheresa
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Advice my dad gave my vegetarian girlfriend tonight: "You should probably eat a steak once in a while, just to shock your system."

    • 199
    • FAVS
    hpb777wicce_podgeSerialFuckupDanKCharnleyfuzzlimeJazzzzzminaRobbi123McInappropriate
    • 46
    • RETWEETS
    hpb777ALadiesHeartJjkinky49JeffsheilalastnameTRBLmakerJBSNotYourSoulmate_theigirlminnie_in_pink7
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    I'm not sure what's more rad: the fact that everything I own is covered in cat hair, or that my coat smells like burritos.

    • 183
    • FAVS
    hpb777wicce_podgeAndyPitzdavetheboyscoutkelkulusJazzzzzminaSerialFuckupDanKCharnley
    • 44
    • RETWEETS
    hpb777JazzzzzminafellbehindJjkinky49Jeffsheilalastnameaveuaskewabhorrent_wifeOneFunnyMummy
    GeneralEmmaLee
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    A friend told me that blind people can get seeing-eye PONIES.

    HOW DOES EVERY BLIND PERSON NOT HAVE A SEEING-EYE PONY??

    • 161
    • FAVS
    hpb777wicce_podgeSerialFuckupDanKCharnleymsbrintnDearAbbySimonMcInappropriatepuffinfinity
    • 49
    • RETWEETS
    Jjkinky49JeffrandomlawlesssheilalastnameMarianneACOTAStacyA600TheirneyFallsvioletfemme89BlondAmbitionTO
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    I hate people who willfully opt to NOT use the revolving door. WHY DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR THE REVOLVING DOOR!?

    • 156
    • FAVS
    hpb777wicce_podgeSerialFuckupDanKCharnleyMcInappropriateStillMadMompuffinfinityfellbehind
    • 39
    • RETWEETS
    Jjkinky49JeffsheilalastnameStacyA600RyseRiceColematt221brabbithole423sortealIQuitTwittah
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    I'm really tired of pretending I like everyone on Facebook.

    • 155
    • FAVS
    hpb777wicce_podgeSerialFuckupDanKCharnleymsbrintnRobbi123McInappropriateStillMadMom
    • 39
    • RETWEETS
    Jjkinky49JeffOutOnTheMoorsjesskgosheilalastnameStarscreams77StacyA600rabbithole423soccerskiingmom
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    I'm an adult, and I'll eat pistachios for dinner if I want to.

    Yes, JUST pistachios. And maybe whiskey.

    • 154
    • FAVS
    Jason_Tiberiashpb777wicce_podgeSerialFuckupDanKCharnleyfuzzlimeRobbi123McInappropriate
    • 31
    • RETWEETS
    AsaFerreira93hpb777Jjkinky49JeffmoodschwingsheilalastnameWebbPaganfingercaseytduncanRyseRiceCole
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Man, I really want to star my own tweets.

    THESE ARE GOOD TWEETS, PEOPLE. FREE TO ALL!

    • 123
    • FAVS
    hpb777wicce_podgeSerialFuckupDanKCharnleymsbrintnRobbi123McInappropriateStillMadMom
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    Jjkinky49JeffsheilalastnameislandofapplesNotYourSoulmate_theigirlrabbithole423sanityinabottleFortuitousPen
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Ticketmaster is having technical difficulties; Red Hot Chili Peppers tickets are not available online. Tens of fans are super-sad right now.

    • 119
    • FAVS
    hpb777wicce_podgeSerialFuckupDanKCharnleyRobbi123McInappropriateNorCalBrattfellbehind
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    Jjkinky49JeffsheilalastnameMarianneACOTArabbithole423beezus_2BlondAmbitionTOFortuitousPenreddishunicorn
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    That moment when you're holding the remote for your car keys, pushing the button...and expecting the front door of your house to unlock.

    • 119
    • FAVS
    hpb777wicce_podgeSerialFuckupDearAbbySimonMcInappropriateStillMadMomDBwiddaDBsheilalastname
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    sheilalastnamerabbithole423FortuitousPenJen_Up_____Phoebetate__GimpySunshine____Favstar500Favsrick335
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    My epitaph will read: "Was Generally Unenthused."

    • 82
    • FAVS
    Eric_NikiforovWorldofWidFraterEansCityNutsackhpb777Tw1tter_K1ttenwicce_podgeSerialFuckup
    • 37
    • RETWEETS
    WorldofWidCityNutsackhpb777wicce_podgeScotthobson1MissKerr87TerryDeuelVice_Queen
    _theigirl
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    I should go back to the beginning of my timeline & start tweeting all the old tweets again. You weren't really paying attention back then...

    • 69
    • FAVS
    hpb777Robbi123McInappropriaterichjohnStillMadMomNorCalBrattfellbehindsheilalastname
    • 35
    • RETWEETS
    McInappropriateStillMadMomsheilalastnameislandofapplesmoodschwingcarrietini__iCE_CREAM__dearestarthur
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Advice I just gave a friend: "Burn the house down, dye your hair, start a new life in a new place."

    • 74
    • FAVS
    hpb777AweShadySomewicce_podgeOohereshecomesMcInappropriatekey_ogNorCalBrattfellbehind
    • 30
    • RETWEETS
    wicce_podgeEleigh1228bryismsNorCalBrattMirandaAltonsheilalastnameFeenohmenalRyseRiceCole
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Someone on Facebook just said "Bud Light Platinum. Not bad..." which is the basically the same thing as saying "Suck it, Charles Darwin!"

    • 81
    • FAVS
    hpb777wicce_podgeMcInappropriatefellbehindsheilalastnamecarrietini__iCE_CREAM__psychogoddess
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    sheilalastname_theigirlrabbithole423vivalamoi448stacywawa1SupraNebula______Favstar500Favsuunnddeeaadd______
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    Facebook sent me an email...to tell me about how Facebook will be sending me less email. #FacebookFAIL

    • 90
    • FAVS
    hpb777wicce_podgeVice_QueenDBwiddaDBninjadinosaur1Liam_Smith1990sheilalastnameMissKerr87
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    MirandaAltonsheilalastnameFavstar500FavsAlyssa_Jolie__ultracruz6cilliLove_Gunn________
  • g4barry
      Barry G. @g4barry

    I could really go for some cupcakes and murder. Not necessarily in that order.

    • 64
    • FAVS
    hpb777wicce_podgeMcInappropriateStillMadMomOutOnTheMoorssheilalastnameVice_QueenMissKerr87
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    hpb777OutOnTheMoorssheilalastnameMissKerr87FortuitousPenrabbithole423MsMielAbeilleWhiteTrashGent
@g4barry

@g4barry

Tall, blonde, bitter & jaded. Used to be thirty-something. Way better at social networking than your mom. Not as good at Candy Crush, though...