today is the day I will definitely get an offer from Bristol through UCAS.

holy fuck I love you john darnielle.

I like my women like I like my national trust properties; with an adjoining tea room.

Terrified my grandparents on the phone by telling them my new house was 'handy for the local mosque'.

hey, twitter! I'm in love.

My Top 3 #lastfm Artists: Brendan Benson (17), Minutemen (16) & The Apples In Stereo (14)  http://bit.ly/bsDsRZ 

@superjules84 no more must the world go without my tales of urinary heroism. What did I miss?

It led to me hoovering up spiders this morning with extra, terrified relish.

sometimes a great wave of forgetfulness rises up and blesses me.

I know you're changing. Goddamn you for that.

I would rate that night's sleep a 4/10. Foiled by a foghorn, and an imaginary spider.

I keep my phone on my tambourine, for a more interesting morning alarm.

okay, twitter: toast or no toast? Will it fuel my insomnia, or innocently satiate my hunger?

I have consolidated all of the massive gaps in my knowledge into one, manageable, colossal gap in my knowledge.

no one will know that I'm wearing the same clothes as yesterday. #advantagestohavingverylittlehumancontact

dear whoever stole my bottle opener: fuck you.

@feliciaday literal babies are way more fun anyway. You can't dangle a theoretical baby off a balcony.

I notice my profile picture involves me being happy in a social setting. Normal service (sepia iphone picture) shall be resumed shortly.

I love the music at the beginning of Johann Hari's podcast.

I am now followed by @indieerotica. I'm not sure why. Maybe I should start writing erotic songs?