@siracusa based on the original BF1942 Zook! http://t.co/6PwAER2y

Thank fuck, I think the drugs just kicked in.

Living room trashed. Near vomiting. Might have peed my pants. I love hockey.

@tpbadam In 2011, Jagr escaped from KHL prison. All they found of him was a muddy jersey, a bar of soap, and a mullet worn down to the nub.

I just used a nose hair trimmer for the first time and I want my innocence back.

Hanging out with @danbenjamin pretty much all day: http://t.co/brafOMQI

Tip: when you end every task with "and make sure it's right or we'll all get fired", you're probably not a good manager.

So Kanye West is touring Rio because David Letterman fucked Roman Polanski, right? Is it too early to start drinking?

It never fails that my cable comes back on as soon as I get through to a rep on the phone. Then I have to call her a cunt for no reason.

The 10 minute task I have to do every Wednesday in Windows is the worst 3 hours of my day.

I have a really bad headache, so: blah blah blah poop joke, curse words, stupid work reference. Enjoy.

If I see the word "social" surrounded by anything other than "ice cream", somebody is getting a fucking slap.

My Cheerios came with legos. Alice, clear my schedule.

Jesus Christ, Rachel Ray in a dog food commercial? Thats fucking tee ball.

@tpbadam Easily. can’t imagine back to back Flyers/Flyers and then Rangers/Rangers games. I’ll probably show up to work drunk, missing pants

hockey is really depressing right now.

YOU GET A PIXEL! AND YOU GET A PIXEL! AND PIXELS FOR EVERYBODY!

I would have never guessed 13 goals would be scored in this game. Ever.

@rick_city His tissue is soff.

@tpbadam @tpbderek @rick_city in case you haven't seen this yet: http://t.co/h2LmS1zT